One More Sleep Till Christmas

Well, it's Christmas time again. Time has flown by. Things are, as always ever-changing. What we thought about two years ago as our future is no longer. What we thought we would be doing and where we would be living last year is radically different as well. We're finally in a place where *maybe* what we think of this year will come to pass next year. Maybe.

I suppose I should wait until New Year's to look back on the last year but really, why wait? Christmas always makes me a bit more "think-y" than I ought to be anyway.

The last year in reflection:

• A final push for Craig: the last semester in seminary.
• Many awesome pub nights with friends
• Never a dull moment for me at work
• Easter spent in West Virginia with family - it snowed!
• Graduation in May - family arrives from both coasts to celebrate
• Our friend Ryan gets his plate at the Saucer and a bunch of us gather to drink in his honor
• We travel back to West Virginia and Pennsylvania to celebrate Craig's grandpa's 91st birthday and get to see family from Chicago and Maryland as a bonus
• Our 2nd anniversary is spent in Atlanta and was awesome! Champagne, aquariums, Muppets, and a fancy dinner.
• Just a few days after our anniversary weekend we find out we're expecting! Woot!
• Another trip up to West Virginia and Pennsylvania for a cousin's wedding party and a baby announcement
• A trip to Seattle for a final interview...fingers crossed!
• Craig gets a job offer and we start to plan a cross country move
• Craig arrives in Seattle in September and sets to work prepping the apartment and settling into his job
• McKenzie says a sad goodbye to Columbia but a happy hello to Seattle as she arrives in the Northwest
• Awesome OB doc is found and the big announcement - It's a girl!
• McKenzie gets a job that helps with the bills and forces her to be out amidst the rest of human kind of a regular basis.
  
• Craig and McKenzie spend the rest of the year (a whole two months) adjusting to the weather, the people, the different driving/parking quirks, the lay of the land
• McKenzie's family visits for Thanksgiving and Christmas

All in all - an eventful year and one that I will be happy to see end. I'm looking forward to March and to new adventures with the Falvo 3 instead of the Falvo 2.

Merry Christmas to all!

Reconnected!

We have internet at home! Woot! I will now be able to post a bit more than recently. My posts and thoughts seem to have gotten lost in the shuffle of the last few months. I would write everything down I needed to do on the internet, pack up all bits and pieces, and trek over to Craig's office or the library to get connected. I would then realize I had hours of stuff to cram into a fraction of that time and thus posting ended up last and was never done.

I now have no excuse. To increase my excuse-less status, I now have a fully repaired computer. I took my Mac into the Apple store today and in one hour they not only gave me a totally new hard drive (goodbye old hard drive and along with it pictures from Seattle from our visit for Craig's interview and a bunch of notes for myself on stickie notes) but also a new external case for the computer as my old plastic one was chipped and cracked. They completed this helpful and speedy service for FREE! Woot! Apparently my warranty is still good. Yay!

Thank goodness I had recently backed up my comptuer so I didn't lose too much data.

Best. Day. Ever.

Now if only we had a little more furniture...

Our apartment is cramped. It's cute and cozy but to be perfectly honest it's cramped. We have four full bookshelves, two full built in book shelves, two beds, two dressers, a sofa with a chaise lounge, a recliner, a small desk, a desk chair, a coffee table, a nook for shoes, two dvd cases, the tv and tv stand, four bookshelves serving as pantry storage, and a dining room table and chairs. We also have various boxes and items sitting around because there's no storage space left to shove them. hehe Whew!

And now we have a crib and a cradle and I couldn't be happier! :) My parents visited over the week of Thanksgiving and they brought one of the two beds we now have set up, the cradle, and 9 boxes of my books from home. hehe The bed was mine as a child and will serve nicely as a guest bed for people coming to visit. The cradle was made by my grandpa for me when I was an infant and it's now going to be used for our little one when she makes her arrival. While they were here they bought us a crib and mattress from Ikea and helped us build it and situate it in our room. It's beautiful. Natural wood, simple design - perfect! Once we have a bigger place, the plan is to give the baby her own room and move all of our dining room storage shelving into her room as bookshelves and storage. The stuff in the dining room is dark brown-black and will be a nice contrast to the light crib.

My mom, being the crafty woman that she is, not only arrived with a knitted baby blanket, a hand-quilted baby blanket from scraps of a quilt she made my brother and a quilt she made Craig and I, and a quilt front of nursery rhymes she's going to finish and give to the baby, but she's also said she'll make me my own crib set so that I can have the colors I want instead of the stuff we've found. How awesome is that?!

Craig and I ran into a slight problem while looking for crib bedding. The problem is that Craig wants monkeys for our bedding and I want the colors green, purple, and brown. Those are fairly hard to find together. I can find green and brown and green and purple but not together - at least not without something like butterflys all over it or whatever. Sooo - my mom and I picked out a green fabric and a purple fabric that she's going to use as a back and front to a simple quilt. She's going to use a monkey face I found as a template to put on the green side of the quilt, thereby getting both monkeys and the colors I want and then she'll use the same purple fabric for a skirt. We also found a nice white with little purple flowers to use as the cover for a crib bumper. I can buy the fitted sheets in green, purple, and this really cute monkeys and brown polka dots and we're good to go! There's a wooden wall hanging of a monkey face similar to what will be on the blanket that I'm going to put up on the wall next to either the baby's name or some saying in brown and purple lettering. That's my current plan for the baby's crib space, etc. As you can see, the nesting has begun. :)

All of my mom's generosity and craftiness has gotten me thinking about crafting. I can cross stitch (but then again, a monkey could cross stitch - it's not exactly complicated) and I've been attempting lazily to learn how to knit for some time. I've never really sewed, at least not in earnest, although I've always thought about it. I value the items my mom has made for me so much - graduation quilt, wedding quilt, scarves, wall hangings, etc - and I'd really like to be able to do the same thing for my little girl. I think I want to learn to do more than just cross stitch. As much as I love it and find it relaxing, I also recognize that cross stitch art/craft is pretty tacky outside of the occasional holiday decoration or simple piece. Sewing and knitting have a little more versatility. I'm perusing sewing machines now in hopes of finding something cheap and efficient to start out on. I'm also thinking classes would introduce me to people in the community and since I know almost no one here, that would be a good thing! :)

Baby kicks

It's official - our bean is a kicker. She's been doing it for quite a while now but I felt it on the outside for the first time on Tuesday. Craig felt it on Wednesday. She's very fond of kicking in the belly button area. :) Lots of movement around eating and drinking times. She's quiet when I'm up and moving and quiet (so far) at night.

It's a brief update but I had to make a note. We get a big kick out of her little kicks! :)

And for the really big news...

and the final announcement/post for the day...

We're having a baby girl! :) WOOT!

We went in for an ultrasound last Wednesday morning and found out we're having a baby with 2 legs and 2 arms weighing around 1lb and counting and most definitely a girl! The ultrasound tech was way nice and the whole thing went very quickly and smoothly. The baby cooperated to a degree but as has been the case since the beginning, wouldn't hold still for a minute.

I learned that what I thought were tiny kicks to my bladder whenever it's full is most likely a head butt as baby is laying head toward my right ovary and feet toward my left ribs. Of course, as I type this, she's probably shifted positions. :)

We go back to the doctor on the 4th of December and will get the big run-down about all the different measurements, etc that the tech took and the radiologist looked at. Hopefully all is well!

I'm most definitely visibly preggo now. I need to take a few pictures of me and post them here - soon, I promise - and I'll definitely be putting a picture or two if little Miss Falvo at the end of this post.

On an equally awesome note - we were going to go with a baby co-sleeper attached to my side of the bed but we just don't have the $$ to get something only to get rid of it once the baby's 30+ lbs and have to buy something new. Instead, we've found three different cribs at Ikea that we like that with mattress included are roughly the price of a co-sleeper. The crib can be kept in our room (we have nowhere else for it) less than 1 foot away from my side of the bed so baby and I can be close while at the same time investing in something that we can use a lot longer. PLUS - the crib will be right under a totally blank wall and I can do baby decorations! I was feeling a bit down that I wasn't going to be able to do a full nursery because of space and $$ so I'm completely stoked that I'll have this one little space to make a cute area for baby. :)

We can't wait to meet our little girl! The ultrasound doesn't show much but we already know she's both adorable and a handful!

Job!

I have a job! Woot! It's not much and it's retail but it's a job! :) I'll be a part time seasonal sales associate over the holidays. It'll help buy groceries and perhaps it will lead to a more permanent job but maybe not. Either way, it's a nice buffer and I'm looking forward to being among the living on a regular basis.

I had a meeting this morning that talked about their holiday sales strategies. It was all very new to me as I've never really worked retail before. The people seem friendly so that's a bonus. I go back on Tuesday morning for some training and more information. I'm hoping that the schedules work out so as not to interfere too much with my family visiting for each of the holidays.

Go me! I'm keeping my eyes out for a more permanent job closer to my field but I'm not discounting that I might enjoy my 25% discount on pretty, shiny things and getting paid to talk to people about said pretty, shiny things. Besides, we have a baby preparing to make an arrival sooner rather than later so that's the main focus right now.

That said, if anyone hears of any kind of historic preservation/museum work in the Seattle area please drop me a line! We desperately need dual incomes as we move into the parent/paying back debt phase of our lives.

Explaining My Radio Silence

Sadly...my computer has died. Well, it's not dead so much as resting with a severe concussion and no earthly idea of what it is. It can't find it's hard drive. *sigh* It keeps showing me a folder and either an exclamation point or a question mark. It's been over a week since I've turned it on. Sad to say that this loss coupled with our now complete lack of internet, purloined internet but whatever, at our apartment means not a whole lot of interweb time for me.

I'm currently typing this blog from Craig's computer using the church's internet. Go me.

On the upside, I do believe my computer is fixable but we just don't have the money to fix it at this time - we don't even have the money to get it looked at so for a time it will sit quietly in a corner until things shift.

Alert: Adulthood!

I am an adult. This fact is something I usually just acknowledge and work with. I own a car. I pay bills. I have a steady job (that will end on Friday but that's neither here nor there). I have an IRA. I am married. I have three animals that depend on me. All of these are facts that don't really seem that huge to me possibly because these are daily items in my life. They don't give me pause or send shivers down my spine. They are just aspects of my life, some I love (hi Craig, Chestnut, Pecan, and Brigid) and some I don't (bleh bills).

I only have these shivers of adulthood once in a while and when they come I experience moments that I can only describe as not unlike those scenes in movies where someone is standing in the foreground and then the scene behind them, usually a hallway or a room, lengthens and stretches in such a way to give you a sense of shrinking movement. I feel a sense of my universe expanding with these moments - shifting and changing the bonds around me.

This evening, sometime after dinner, my universe expanded when I had the slowly dawning realization that Craig and I will be hosting our first Thanksgiving and Christmas with family. Whoa. Major adult moment. We've done the solitary holidays. Our first Thanksgiving and Christmas as Falvos were sans family and were totally awesome. They weren't awesome because we didn't have any family. They were awesome because we started a couple new traditions and just got to relax together. We've also had some family holidays. Last Thanksgiving we spent time in Florida with Craig's family for the holiday and a wedding. Last Christmas we visited my family in California. Never have we hosted family for a holiday.

I'm completely excited!! It'll will be weird and terrific and memorable all at once. We're not sure yet if Christmas will be a both-sides event but we know that my family will be up for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Craig's already thinking about the size of the turkey he'll need; I'm already thinking about the size of the Christmas tree I'll need; and my father's already thinking about whether or not we'll be able to pick up the Macy's Parade. :D Teh awesome.

And on a smaller (and yet way bigger) note, if the thought of being the ones hosting the holidays wasn't daunting enough, the growing Bean inside me gives me pause more often than not about how quickly my life is changing. I texted Craig today after I ate lunch because of the amount of swish-y movement I felt in my belly. Friends are starting to notice the changes. I can no longer wear the pants I like. There's definitely a baby inside me and life will never be the same. How awesome in every definition of the word!

Long Legs Big Belly

Apparently in the maternity world, you can either be fat or tall. I can't be too upset because I recognize that were I not on the larger end of the scale, I probably wouldn't be having this problem but it's still frustrating. I say probably because pants with the right inseam has been a life-long quest for me, through both the lean and the fat years.

Regular pants with inseams at 32" are *justbarely* right so long as, in the words of a friend, they don't even look at a dryer. I prefer a 34" because I can wear wedges or flats and both look okay. Pre-pregnancy it was hard enough to find longer lengths on pants. Lane Bryant has stuff but their store can be frustrating. My problems below:

• First is the cost - ouch! This just leads me to try other stores and gnash my teeth in agony over their lack of pant length (Target, I'm looking at you) or their lack of an actual bricks-and-mortar plus size section, forcing me instead to contemplate the clothes presented in the ephemera of the Internet and wonder what they will fit like because Lord know that people, especially those of the lumpier persuasion, love to buy their clothes without make sure they don't bulge, pull, or slide off first (Old Navy/Gap/etc, I'm looking at you).
• Second - vanity sizing. For the love of pete (Love of Pete? love of Pete?...not sure of the capitalization there), I shop in that store because I'm not as skinny as I once was. I don't need a pant saying I'm a size 4 to make me feel better! I was never a size 4 to begin with. It just makes finding the right jeans/pants a pain in the ass!
• Third is waist level - the lowest of the low waists are still really kind of high. I don't want pants so low that they make people think I'm a plumber as a second job but I would like to be able to wear pants that don't come up to my armpits. Okay, I'm exaggerating a little but I would like something a tad lower than above/at the belly button. I'm fairly certain I'm not the shortest-torsoed person to shop there so I'm curious as to how others handle it. Although, on second though, I also don't have the booty that I see sometimes there so maybe that lowers the waistband for you? Hmm...
• Fourth is length - ironically, their "longs" are often WAY too long. I'm not too upset about third because I have seen some really, REALLY tall women in that store and if I have a hard time at 5'9"/5'10" on a good day finding pants, I can't imagine how women well over 6' do it. Cost at LB is what mostly keeps me away, though since they started vanity sizing stuff I find the trips so ridiculously irritating for common sense and for practicality that I've stopped going.

This long rant about LB is a bit off-topic but it's all tied in to my Sisyphus-esque struggle toward the perfect pair of pants. I'm sure I could have picked a better tragic reference but it's early and I haven't had substantial caffeine since June. :)

Anyway, what this all leads into is that prior to my swelling belly and my Bean, if I wanted to spend the big bucks and the time sorting through a rather confusing chart of sizing, I could find a pair of jeans/pants long enough to suit me. I might even get lucky, as I did once, with a pair of $10 pants from Wal-Mart of all places, that for the most part are teh awesome. However, that ability has apparently disappeared only slightly more quickly than I fear my feet will.

I bought my first maternity clothes yesterday. It was both nifty and terrifying. It has been very hard for me to justify spending money, any kind of money, on clothing I know with absolute certainty I won't be wearing next fall and I hopefully won't be wearing ever again. (I've already informed Craig that once the baby comes, I'll be taking full advantage of this new-fangled metabolism I seem to have and will be dropping this weight. I have two weddings next fall and while I doubt I'll be "smokin'", I'm sure I'll be able to muster up a jaw drop or two. I also informed him that should we be blessed with any more kids, I want to be able to shop in the normal, and thus bigger, sections. He laughed and said he was with me all the way.) So with the cost vs. the relative term of use in mind, I didn't really want to spend a fortune.

I had looked at JC Penney's store and online in hopes of finding some good pants. The benefit of current trends is that there are a lot of loose tops with folds and pleating that mean I can wear most of my sweaters, shirts, and dresses until fairly late in the game. It's the pants that are the problem. I haven't completely popped yet but even with my Bella band, my jeans and work pants are becoming uncomfortable. I needed something for work and play. JC Penney has a great collection of stuff online but in stores, not so much. Additionally, online you can pick from an array of body types but never do "plus size" and "tall" meet. Le sigh. I found a couple cute things but was really, REALLY leery of buying pants online without having tried them on. I then went to Motherhood's online store and found some cute stuff, again leery of buying online.

So for a week I hemmed and hawed and decided to just screw it and not get anything. That stuck for a whole five days. Yesterday, I was out running some errands out at the infamously trafficky Harbison mall and it dawned on me that Motherhood's actual store might have something. I had been in once to look for a dress but as the store itself was kind of small and the Plus size section was maybe two racks of stuff, I had had no luck and thus had written it off. I figured I'd go give them another shot.

The store was still tiny, and the selection for me still small but they did have pants and THANK GOODNESS I tried them on. I assumed I was bigger than I was and all that pants were falling off. hehe I found a pair of black twill pants and a pair of jeans. Both are *justbarelyok* length-wise but it's really the best that I can do. The girl in the store said they had longs in the regulars and the biggest regulars were stretch so that might work but really, who wants to see that? I don't. :) I don't plan on buying loads of preggo clothes and the next go-round I won't have this problem so I'm not too worried about it in the long run but man is it frustrating in the short-run!

I am now the proud owner of two pairs of maternity pants. Weird and pretty cool. It means my body's doing what it is supposed to which means the Bean is doing what it is supposed to. I had a spring in my step leaving the store with a bag that announced to every nosey person in the mall who reads other people's bags, "Nope, I am NOT chowing down on donuts at an alarming rate. No, that's not a beer gut. I'm pregnant!"

Tiny Heartbeats!

This is a belated post for which I plead hardship and laziness! I didn't have internet at home at the time and I can't get to blogger at work!

I went in for my third doctor's appointment on October 1st. I was, as I am at all visits, nervous that even though there have been no signs there is something wrong. At the appointment previously, the doctor couldn't pick up the heartbeat because the Bean kept moving around like crazy. We saw it on the ultrasound and the doctor said she saw a strong heartbeat but we couldn't hear anything. This visit was to listen to the heart and just make sure all was okay. I was worried (because that's what I do) and hoped everything was okay. Luckily everything went perfectly!

My blood pressure was lower than last time and spot on perfect! I gained a whole 1lb which is exactly what the doctor told me I should gain in a month. So weight-wise I'm now back at my pre-prego weight. I gained gained 3 right away, lost 4 during the remainder of the 1st trimester, and this 1 lb gain means I'm back. Yay! (This may seem obsessive to some but being overweight, I'm watching this closely to make sure I'm a safe place for the Bean to grow!)

And...the best news of all...I heard the heartbeat! It was a strong, steady 156 bpm. :) So cool! The doctor was really happy with that and said everything felt/looked great! My belly's starting to poke out but it hasn't done the rounded prego thing - I just look like I've been eating junk food a lot. :)

I'm hoping that the new OB (no, I don't have one yet but we're still waiting on our new insurance information) will want to do the big ultrasound that tells us "boy vs girl" sooner rather than later. I'm now 17 weeks so by the time I'm up in the Seattle area and have an appointment I'll be around 20 weeks or later! Can't wait! :)

Ahh...hormones

I wanted to title this "You know you're pregnant when..." but the truth be told, I've been really lucky when it comes to pregnancy symptoms. I haven't had morning sickness, food aversions, serious food cravings, really sensitive pregnancy nose (I do have that a little), sleep issues (yet), internal issues/gas, horrible soreness...the list goes on and on. Like I said, I've been lucky. However, this last week I've been awash in hormones - weepy, sad hormones. It started around Saturday/Sunday with some general crabbiness and loneliness.

Craig's been gone since September 19th. I've been living at my friend Rebekah's place since September 20th. (Yay Rebekah!) Mostly, it's been fine. I've been busy and occupied so it hasn't felt really weird. Rebekah's dog Macy and our Brigid have been keeping me more than busy. However, I have increasingly felt out of place. My books, my clothes, my cats, my husband - all 3000 miles away. I've noticed it more and more as things I have always done in Columbia begin to come to an end. Craig and I said goodbye together to the church we attended. Places I'd go with Craig - movies, shopping, restaurants - I don't really go now because of cost/time/effort. I'm experiencing a slow goodbye with Columbia and it's weirder than I expected it to be. It's this goodbye that's getting to me. It makes me feel fairly solitary even when I'm with other people. They talk of their plans in a few week's or a month's time and I don't really have plans because I'm in stasis here before moving on.

This experience has been weird but it wasn't sucky until this last week. I spent Monday night in tears on the phone with Craig. I was sad and lonely and hormonal. I was also a little unsettled from having gotten a flu shot. I've never had one before and it was unsettling in a way that I can't explain. Nothing had happened. It was just bleh. Tuesday night was the worst as several things happened/coincided to make me feel completely unimportant and disposable. Wednesay and Thursday I was feeling better but by Friday the feelings of earlier in the week - loneliness, a sense of being apart, general crappiness - all came back with a rush. I said goodbye to my supervisors (she's at a conference next week which is my last week) and that was really sad. I've had a lot of supervisors through the years and she's one of my favorites. I cried on and off all the way home and then spent a good portion of an hour crying before watching some tv. I finally gave up and went to bed before 9pm. Today I watched the Office wedding on the internet and I cried because it made me miss Craig. lol I'm a basketcase!

I know that a good portion of all of these tears and issues are pregnancy hormones. I've had to say goodbye and leave a lot of places so this isn't new. I'm also really excited to get to a new place and start planting some roots. My brother flies in in a week and my parents will be up for Thanksgiving so family time is just around the corner. (On a side note, it's been almost 5 years since I've had Thanksgiving with my family so I'm STOKED!) The baby's heartbeat was strong at the last visit, my weight's on track, my blood pressure rocks, and I *think* I'm feeling some beginning flutters so the Bean's doing well. Life is essentially great and yet I'm a big knot of woe lately. Go hormones!

I feel bad for Craig because he's dealing with a teary, pregnant wife over the phone. Phones are not our communication medium of choice and I think it's wigging him out a little. I've devoted today to nurturing me. I got some decaf iced coffee this morning and added my daily glass of milk to it. I need to clean a bit, apply for some jobs, and maybe even give myself a pedicure. I think a day of calm like that will help me feel a bit more normal/grounded. After all, I want to enjoy my last few days here and say goodbye to my friends without being crazy! :)

On the Move

The Falvo family is beginning its westward trek. Craig left this morning at 6am with two sedated cats. They're bound for the St. Louis, Mo area tonight and should arrive by 5pm-ish Central. He'll have 3 more legs of the trip before getting into the Seattle area on Tuesday. I promised I wouldn't cry until after he was gone and I kept that promise. No tears until he pulled away. :) It made it just a little worse that it started sprinkling as he left - very fitting and slightly depressing.

Brigid and I are hanging out right now in a messy, mostly packed apartment. It needs to be cleaned, culled, and then packed. Luckily, Craig's mom and aunt came down last weekend and helped us pack up 99% of the apartment. It's just odds and ends at this point. I'm sure it will go quickly in the next day or so. The movers will be here bright and early Monday morning.

I'll be so happy when this whole ordeal is over. It'll be nice to be in a new place - the whole family back together. I leave in 30 days with my brother on our cross-country drive and I'm kind of looking forward to it. :) 34 days until I can see Craig again. Not that I'm counting or anything!

Babies!

I meant to blog this a week ago but as my earlier post indicates, things are a bit crazy now. I'm a little over 13 weeks pregnant! Just when things couldn't get any more insane - right?

I found out on July 9th at like 6 in the morning. I was just 4 weeks along. I woke Craig up with the news and he got a little choked up. It was too cute! We told my immediate family and his the next day as we were driving up to visit his family for his grandfather's 91st birthday that weekend. We also told his grandfather, aunt from Maryland, and family from Chicago. We knew we wouldn't see them in person again so we felt it was worth it. I also told a couple close friends because I had to talk to someone about it! :)

We kept mum through much of August though I did tell my boss a few weeks later. On September 3rd (Week 12), we went into the doctor and saw an informal ultrasound. The OB said she could see a strong heartbeat and that was a good sign. The Bean tried to get away from the sensor and was pretty active. It was amazing! It was so active, in fact, that she couldn't get it pinned down to get a heartbeat. She's fairly confident that she can pick up a heartbeat at the next visit on Oct 1 (16 weeks). Sadly, Craig will be in Washington by then but at least he won't be missing the big ultrasound for gender or anything. He's pretty upset about it but he won't miss anything after that and I know he'll feel better once I'm out with him and he can feel the baby move and all that good stuff. :)

Big changes for the Falvo family!

Listen. The Falvos have become unstuck in time.

I almost don't even know where to begin. We've been stuck in the in-between times for quite a while and, while we've enjoyed those times quite a lot, things are changing. I titled this blog based off a Kurt Vonnegut quote, "Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why." I thought it was a good explanation of how we felt in relation to jobs, the seminary, candidacy, all of it. We were in a cycle of living and waiting and not really feeling settled but it wasn't worth whining because life is a series of those cycles.

Well, I sit months later, cribbing another Vonnegut quote to convey my new feelings. In the book Slaughterhouse-Five the main character becomes unstuck in time and goes on adventures of a sort. Well, our family is now in the same position. Craig has a job and we're mobilizing to move.

The Friday before last, September 4th, Craig and I flew out to Seattle, WA to meet a church congregation that Craig had interviewed with. We spent Friday touring the area, Saturday bowling with the youth and then eating dinner with the senior pastor, his daughter, the associate pastor, and his wife. Sunday was church and then walking around Seattle with the associate minister and his wife. It was amazingly fun, totally exhausted, and completely nerve-wrecking. Craig got the offer on Sunday and we spent the trip home (never ending trip) and the next day talking things over. They wanted him fast and we had to do a lot sight-unseen. There was a lot of excitement and not a few tears.

It's now 7 days later and we have an apartment waiting for us, a mover scheduled, and the apartment packed almost completely up. Craig leaves this coming Saturday morning. The stuff will be picked up either Friday or the following Monday. I move in with a friend Saturday and then follow him out in mid-October.

Scary but very excited. We've had our fair share of breakdowns but are thrilled with the opportunity. We loved the Seattle area, loved the people at the church, and really loved the pastors and families. :)

Craig's never lived this far away from family and this has been a bit hard for him. We're both really happy to be closer to my family (I'll actually have Thanksgiving with my family - it's been 4 years of Thanksgivings elsewhere!) but we're sad to leave close-by friends and family. It's a process of saying goodbye and maintaining contact. This will be a good thing for our family and I think we'll flourish in the new area. Change is hard but worth it.

Travels

Updates, updates. I've been terrible about keeping this blog current though I'm thinking that will soon change. What's been going on in our lives? It feels like nothing and everything all at once.

This past weekend we were up in the Pennsylvania/West Virginia area visiting the Falvo side of the family and attending a wedding reception. Craig's cousin was married in California in July and held a PA reception for all of the east coast people. It was lovely! So much fun to see family and get to congratulate the newlyweds!

Craig and I left Thursday evening at 5:30pm and arrived at his parents' house at 2 in the morning. Big mistake. I thought that we'd be fine - we're up late usually and Craig's done the drive that late countless times before. It wasn't awful but it just wasn't good. The distance seemed to stretch out in front of us with no visuals on the road. It was foggy and dark in the mountains and just ick. hehe Luckily, we had Friday to regroup and relax before the Saturday festivities and the inevitable drive back on Sunday. Sunday's drive, in the bright light of day, was not nearly as bad! :)

As I sit typing this, we're cleaning up from this past weekend and preparing for another trip this weekend. We leave Friday to fly to Seattle for a job interview for Craig. So excited!! Sadly, it's another whirlwind weekend that's going to leave us exhausted and kind of frazzled. We leave our house for the airport at 6am on Friday morning and we won't get back to the house until almost 8am on Monday morning (Labor Day.) We're looking forward to the trip. Neither of us have ever been to the Seattle area and it's sounding like the weekend's going to be packed with fun things to do. However, I'll be glad when I have a weekend at home to put things in order and relax. :)

More updates to follow as things start to happen!

Eventual Sharing

A lot has been going on and soon I will be able to write and share about it. Until then, know that our lives progress as usual - work, cleaning, dog walks, trips to see friends and family. :D

Late Introductions

I think I really need to put more pictures up on the blog. I have tons and tons that never (really) see the light of day. This might be a good way to start. Here are some introductions:

The Falvo Family

Me: 

28. Born in Ohio, raised in California, and currently residing in the South (going on 4 years now.) Loves: books, reading magazines back to front, summer rain/thunderstorms, traveling, the Christmas season, fam and friends. Hates: drivers who don't use their turn signals, Palmetto bugs, 

Craig: 

31. Born and raised in southwestern Pennsylvania, and currently residing in the South (also for 4 years now.) Loves: video games, books, hot sauce, hockey, arguing theology, and me...well really all of our friends and family.  Hates: tomatoes, the Cleveland Browns, the Detroit Redwings, and morons on the road.

Chestnut:

4 ½. Born in South Carolina and adopted by McKenzie in January of 2006. Loves: belly rubs, treats, lettuce, catnip, and naps. Hates: Brigid, water, being picked up.

Pecan:

1 ½. Born in North Carolina and adopted by Craig and McKenzie in November of 2007 as a scrawny, sickly baby. Loves: water bowls to play in, Chestnut, Brigid, McKenzie, running around crazy in the house, hair bands.  Hates: Craig (sometimes), sudden movements, any visitors to the house, being picked up.

Brigid:

 1 ½. Born in South Carolina and adopted by Craig and McKenzie in August of 2008. Loves: her family, her toys, anything she can chew on, her Kong ball with a treat in it.  Hates: baths, hard rain, being left alone for too long, and Toby the evil Seminary dog.

It's tough to read the tea leaves when they keep shifting

Some days I try to read the cosmic signs just in case I'm being told to crawl back under the covers because the day's going to be a wash.  Today I had some rather conflicting signs.

Sign #1 - I woke up groggy but well-rested.  There was no dog standing on my ovary or cat in my face breathing little clog-nosed breaths trying to get some morning love.  Excellent!

Sign #2 - A small palmetto bug (cockroach to any of you not from 'round these here parts) fell from the fan vent in the bathroom onto my naked shoulder as I was climbing into the shower.  Gah!  I thank my lucky stars it wasn't very big but STILL!  Bad!

Sign #3 - I decided to make scrambled eggs this morning and they didn't stick to the pan and burn like they usually do when I use this particular pan.  Excellent!

Sign #4 - Facebook refuses to sign me in for my morning fix.  Whatever will I do.  Bad!

So yeah - it's not even 8am and I'm feeling someone's are trying to tell me something but they keep changing their mind.  Stay in bed!  Get up and embrace the world!  Crawl back under the sheets!  Get ready for a great day!  :)

I'll just keep plugging away and hope that a) I find milk at work so I can have some English Breakfast with my eggs and b) I don't spill it down my front while attempting to enjoy said tea.

*ahem*

My name is McKenzie and I have an addiction.

(Hi, McKenzie.)

 

I fixate.  I am a fixator.  Fixating makes me happy and crazy.  There…I said it.  I have always known I have a tendency to hone in and hover around some thought/idea/plan that I have until it either blossoms or dies under the weight of my gaze.  Little things like the realization that soon I will need a haircut or a new pair of shoes will drive me to distraction. 

 

The process goes something like this: McKenzie realizes that her hair is growing a little wild and probably needs some pruning.  She also remembers how much she likes haircuts and it makes her smile.  Maybe she doesn’t have the money or the inkling of what to do with her hair when she goes in so she waits a bit while saving and/or thinking it over.  It’s during this waiting that she begins to realize how much her current haircut is driving her nuts or how long her bangs are or how she really ought to color away those grays (because she’s not even 30 for Pete’s sake!) and so she thinks more and more and more about her haircut until she finally gives in before she has an idea or the money and makes the appointment.  The same scenario plays out for really anything that I decide could work out.  I do this for vacations and for rearranging rooms and everything else.

 

I am just now learning that I am not the long-term fixator I once thought I was.  I obsess in spurts.  I obsess over something until it ceases to be new and I can let it alone and move on.  I think I’ve never really known that about myself because the things I notice that I fixate on the most are the little things like the aforementioned haircuts or the fact that “I don’t have any good basic black flats!  Gah!  Ugh, I don’t have any good shoes at all!  I need shoes!  I must find black flats!” and so on and so forth.  I give in to these minor urges and the demand for change goes away.  My husband would say that I get bored easily and that adds fuel to my obsession fire.  He’s probably right.

 

However, it’s only been with Craig’s job search, our subsequent musings on where we see ourselves through this year and next, and our contemplations on starting a family that I’ve realized that my fixations are finite in their lives though every now and then they can flare up like the worst case of heartburn ever.  

You see, Craig’s graduating at an absolutely terrible time for everyone hunting for jobs and especially for the fantastically specialized and isolated world of church ministry, social outreach, etc.  Take his specific degree (Master of Divinity), his gifts of outreach and service to the community through a congregation, and the lack of interest our churchwide organization shows his particular calling (Diaconal Ministry – not an ordained minister but a consecrated layperson that’s official with the roles of the church as a whole) and you end up with next to nada in the job opportunities.  We currently have a map pinned to our wall on the way to our bedroom that has a pushpin color-coded system for his job applications.  Out of 31 total pins up (ie 31 job applications), Craig has pins up in 18 states.  Most are pink.  A few are blue, though most of those should be changed to pink.  One is orange.

 

Colors:

Blue = application sent.

Orange = 1 interview done, no word.

Purple = 2 interviews done, no word

Yellow = Job – yay!

Pink = Rejection letter

 

We have a lot of pink for a number of different reasons such as:

a)      Thanks but we were only posting it to prove that we’re EEO and we’ve already got our person.

b)      We found a better fit.

c)      We really like you but can only afford a part time person.

d)      We can’t afford anyone at all and have to take down the posting.

 

Every time we find somewhere new, I fixate.  I do this partly to convince myself that I could live wherever it is that he’s applied – be in Minneapolis, MN or Podunk, MI or Seattle, WA.  I look up the city.  I look at its history (on wikipedia – so it’s all true, right?), its housing market prices, its job market, the distance it is from a bigger city and/or an airport.  I do my research to calm myself down and stop my initial reaction of closemindedness.  I also do it to get excited.  I fell in love with several homes in a small suburb of Chicago before the weird interview Craig had that was short, strange, and thankfully didn’t lead to a job.  I decided I could live in flat-as-a-pancake Kansas because it was close to one of my best friends (well, closer than here) and had an airport that could get us quickly and cheaply home to both sets of parents for visits before that church realized it couldn’t afford the full time person it thought it could.  I’ve come to grips with and then come to love a number of the places Craig has applied only to have my carefully constructed hopes dashed when, like most job applications, it doesn’t work out. Luckily, I rebound fairly quickly and move on to the next place. 

 

In the last month or so, possible places to apply have dried up and I find myself rationalizing and obsessing about the city we currently live in and the place in our lives we are right now.  We both vascilate back and forth between being okay with being here for a while longer while I keep my awesome job and we go further into student debt while pulling ourselves out of credit card debt and not being okay with being in a place we have no intention of being long term.  We both crave the ability to plant roots and belong but we’re also both fairly happy with our current situation.

 

That was a very long introduction to my announcement that I am a short-term fixator.  I seek the thrill of the new.   Therefore, after a few days to a week or two depending, the thrill of the potential new job and completely new place has worn off and I lose interest.  I don’t lose interest in the place itself but in the but because it wasn’t instantaneous (hello my unusually absurd expectations about weight loss and fitness) I chalk it up as over and move on.  It goes into my mental pot on the backburner – always there but contained in a giant pot of "Probably Never Going to Happen" or perhaps the pressure cooker of "Something Will Eventually Happen that You Can Control so STOP Worrying about It!"  

Lately, I have been very good at throwing everything that comes my way regarding living situations, potential jobs, and everything related to Craig's call into my pressure cooker of "STOP Worrying!" but I had a relapse of fixation today.  Craig's applying to a job in southern Indiana.  We don't know if the job will be a good fit.  We don't know if they'll even want talk to him.  We also don't know what the pay is and therefore if we can even swing moving.  BUT...and it's a big but...it's in southern Indiana.  Beautiful country, close to family, close to an airport that flies us to either of our immediate families.  My entire family is from Indiana and while my parents fled for the west  coast, most everyone else stayed.  It's a beautiful place.  I love visiting.  I love the people.  This town in particular is heralded for its architecture, it's proximity to a college town and to Indianapolis.  It would be awesome!  Plus - it's Indiana so housing isn't that expensive.  :)  I had a relapse today and spent the afternoon reading up on it in Wikipedia, looking at housing market ranges, and checking it out via Google maps.  

It was clear that by 4pm I was quickly losing what little ground I had gained in the past few weeks with my Zen attitude about this whole call/job/life question.  I had to take a deep breath, admit to myself that it would be sweet! to live in this area, and move on.  I did not (and this is big for me) peruse the job market there "just to see."  I even stopped looking at houses because it's painful 1) if I find anything teh awesome there and 2) because we couldn't buy even if we wanted to.  I had some water, chewed some gum, and did some actual work to clear my head of cobwebs made of sparkles and obsessive dreams.  :)

This mini-fixation lapse came on the heels of another crack in my Zen exterior, another story for another day, that led me to the realization that I am a mini-fixator, a micro-obsessor.  I am working on a Zen approach - working on being calm about changes, peaceful in the face of things I cannot change, and proactive (but not crazy) in the things I can change.  Craig gave me a bible verse to keep in mind when I'm raging against the wind.  I find it helps me get that there's a bigger picture out there.  

Jeremiah 29:11-13: "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future of hope.  Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.  When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart."  There are big plans in the making.

The Little Piggy went wii, wii, wii all the way home!

I’m the pig and it’s really more like “Wii. *groan* Wii. *groan*” but in a good way. I’m finally back working out after a month lapse and a gain of all the weight I’d lost before Easter. Le sigh.

Craig spent some of his graduation money on the new fitness game for the Wii – EA Sports Active. I can only speak from two days of experience but I have to say, “Love!”

Santa brought Craig a Wii two years ago and he brought Craig a Wii Fit last year. Santa’s awesome like that.  The Wii Fit was a big hit in our household – still is. Yeah, yeah – it may not be so great for those of you who are already in shape but for those of us rather spherical people, it is teh awesome. It gets us up off our butts and makes moving around fun. I heart the boxing but then again I also love doing tae-bo-esque workouts because they make me feel badass. It’s the little things, right?

We used the Wii Fit pretty regularly up till May. The craziness of graduation was upon is at that time and our dedication was lost in lunches and dinners with friends before we all scatter to the four winds. I would weigh myself in the morning on the Wii Fit - nothing like starting your day naked in your living room on a plastic rectangle. Hehe The Wii Fit does not create the highest intensity you could hope for in a workout so I would usually pair a bit of a workout – ie a long walk with the dog or a jog/walk with the dog – with the boxing and balance games from Wii Fit. You can’t string exercises together to make a routine in Wii Fit so you’re always clicking in and clicking out of different things.

EA Sports Active is a bit more detailed than Wii Fit. You can do a 30 day challenge where you go through different routines every day. You can make your own routines by stringing different exercises together. You get trophies and medals for completing different things. You have a daily journal to monitor your exercise and your adherence to healthier eating – ie water, veggies, etc. It monitors your calories and your time and sets goals for you. Pretty nifty!

I did my first day of the 30 Day Challenge yesterday. I picked medium intensity. We worked out 25 minutes or so and I can feel it today!. Urgh. It’s great! I had fun and it was fast-paced enough to keep moving the whole time and feel like I was actually going through a routine with a trainer.

Again, I preface this whole thing by saying that I am out of shape. I don’t know how great this would be if you were in top peak form but really, if you’re in top peak form, why are you working out in front of the tv!? If it didn’t kill my knees, I’d be out jogging every day in the fresh air. Hehe

Overall, I say go me for starting the challenge! I’ll keep posting as to how it’s going.   

A Bit Scattered

I’ve been in a bit of a post-graduation haze this week. Craig graduated May 15 and our families were in town – my parents from California, his from Pennsylvania, and an aunt and uncle from Ohio. We had a great albeit exhausting time. I didn’t really get much time to recover so I’m sort of zombie-ing it through the week until I can sleep in on Monday morning. Thank goodness for Memorial Day! I have a meeting tonight, a lecture tomorrow night, volunteering to assist in gravestone cleaning on Saturday morning, and a dance show down in Charleston on Sunday. Whew!

Graduation pictures will be up as soon as my dad posts them on his Picasa page and I can snag them and post them here.

The weekend of family was great but I’m beginning to feel a bit at a loss. I had been so focused on getting everything ready for family, getting everything ready for graduation, etc that I’m sort of sitting a bit blankly after it’s all over. We’re looking at another year in Columbia which is great but just not what I expected. I had expected planning a move and searching for a job right about now. I am eternally grateful for being able to avoid both of those loathsome chores because a) moving blows and b) I love my job here. However, because I have been freed from those icky tasks, I now need to refocus myself. What should I do? What do I need to do? Do I have goals/tasks/hobbies that I want to fulfill?

Craig and I aren’t planning too many trips in the near future. We’re tapped out monetarily and I’m running low on annual leave. We are heading to Atlanta for our anniversary weekend (so excited!) and we are also heading up to Pennsylvania in July to celebrate Craig’s grandpa’s 91^st birthday. Yep – 91 and still a firecracker! After that, we’re free and clear and thusI have no excuse for not finding some summer project.

One summer project, which to be perfectly frank is a life project, is my constant struggle to get in shape. I’ve spent my entire life trying to come to terms with and accept my physical appearance while at the same time seeking to improve it. It’s a contradiction that doesn’t generally sit well in my head. My quest to be a healthy individual is on-going. I’m going to be working on that separate from some new summer project. I’ll actually be posting about my fitness journey separately because we just got the new EA Active game for the Wii and Craig and I are both doing the 30 day challenge. I’ll be updating with my progress and how I’m feeling about it all.

Back to the main focus of this blog – I feel a bit lost with no clear projects/events to tackle so I am blogging to talk it out, to find something for me to do. If left to my own devices, I’d fritter all my time away and never end up with anything. I need to remind myself of the things that need done/that would be fun to do. Here are some ideas:

1. Scrapbook!

   1. It sounds so boring/cliché but I have loads of stuff from our wedding and from a trip I took to England that really out to be put in some kind of order so as to preserve a record of some kind. I have pub coasters and ticket stubs and pamphlets from England, not to mention over 1000 pictures on my computer. I have receipts, schedules, cards, and bits and pieces from the wedding. It would really give me a project and be sort of fun. The only problem is money. At least for England, I need to print a bunch of pictures to start. Maybe I should start on the wedding one. Hmm.

2. Write!

   1. I have bits and pieces of a story I’ve been working on but I never set aside the time to write. I keep thinking if I tried setting aside an hour a day to just writing I’d at least get to flex those muscles.

3. Book Sale! Ebay! Donations!

   1. Our apartment needs to be cleaned out. We won’t be at this place forever and we’ve accumulated a lot of stuff over the years. We keep talking about donations to Salvation Army, selling bits on Ebay, getting rid of the excess. I think a bit of time each weekend could be given over to sorting through all of our crap to try and thin it down. This thought is strongly encouraged by the fact that my parents are planning a trip across the country with all my stuff in tow to drop at my door in July. 10 boxes of books, a few other boxes of random stuff, and an antique double bed (with or without mattress and boxspring). Gah! We already have 8 bookshelves in the apartment and they’re so full books are double-stacked in places. Craig’s off for the summer so if I got it all together, he could make sure things got mailed or taken to the donation center or given away. Hmm.

Those are three ideas which, really when I think about it, could all be conducted to varying degrees this summer (and on into the fall.) We do really need to get rid of some stuff and if we sold it, the cash certainly wouldn’t hurt us. The scrapbooking would also eliminate some of the clutter in the office so it’ll be ready for the stuff from California. I’ll have to think on all of this and post my decision later. I’m thinking it’ll probably be massive culling of the apartment, writing appointments, and scrapbooking on the weekends. That’s my thought at the moment anyway. 

This post summed up briefly: McKenzie needs to rethink her goals/activities/etc because, as always, time moves on.

Time is Tectonic

Our life is shifting.  I'm sitting at the end of a big event - Craig's graduation - and I can feel my life moving under me.  The friends we've known and the experiences we have weekly are changing and while I feel a part of that change, I also feel like I'm apart from it. 

Craig graduated from seminary on Friday.  Yay!  He is now a Master of Divinity.  I am so amazingly proud of him.  Four years of work and he made it!  We've been together for his entire time here at the seminary save for 1 1/2 semester - a little over 3 years now.  We have great friends from here.  They have (for the most part) all graduated as well.  Craig's path is a little different than most of his classmates and so, it will be that in the next few months we'll watch our friends leave while we stay behind.  One family is moving tomorrow.  Another is leaving the following week and then it'll probably be about a family every two weeks or so.  I'm so amazingly happy for everyone and I'm pretty happy with where we are but it's a very unsettling feeling nonetheless to watch your friends pack up and leave without you doing the same thing.

We're in a really good place at the moment given what's going on "out in the real world."  I have a good job.  We have a nice (reasonable) apartment.  Craig was admitted back into the seminary to work on an STM (Master of Sacred Theology) which is a year-long study and would allow us to keep said reasonable apartment and continue to live fairly within our means.  That extra year would give me time on my job and give us time to pay off some debt and stay in one place for a little while.  

We'd both really like to be moving to someplace permanent.  I have this overwhelming desire to plant our family roots and find a place to call home.  A place where we can belong to groups and church and build a network of friends.  We have a great network here but no one's really, truly, permanent.  We're all at that age where we're living and shifting and drifting as life takes us - few have children, few own houses - we're just experiencing life.  However, we're also at that age where that balance is shifting.  More and more are having kids, buying houses, and getting  careers instead of jobs.  

So it is with happiness and sadness that I watch this weekend of family and graduation come to an end.  I am beyond thrilled for my friends who are moving, who are buying homes, being ordained, and suddenly feeling crazy.  I will miss seeing them around  campus, knowing that they're just steps away for an impromptu hangout, seeing them at a party or trivia or Idol or other tv marathon.  I'm excited we'll have friends to visit and new stories to hear about.

I know there are plans for Craig and I in the works - somewhere out in the ether.  I have faith that we will fit in to a place and a plan when the time comes.  My whole time east of the Mississippi has been a test of my patience and my ability to let go.  I (think) am better than I used to be.  We will be the ones packing and moving and going crazy over a quick succession of changes at some point soon - I just don't know when.

In the meantime, I plan to watch the ground move, time shift, and people leave with smiles and tears.  Life is, like I said, shifting.  

My Life In Miniature

I wrote this Friday at work but had to email it to myself to post at home.

I left my wallet at home again today. It happens often. Usually, my small brown informational container is left behind after a night at the bar though not for the most obvious reason. I am too lazy to carry my purse and have to find a spot, make room, whatever for it so I take my cell phone and my wallet instead. I slip them into pockets or hold them. I always (so far anyway) bring them back home. That’s when the problems start. I place them somewhere in the apartment when I walk in to free up my hands to love on the pets. I then promptly forget where I placed them. Eventually, I have to find my phone as it serves as secondary alarm clock. My wallet, sadly, remains forgotten after an evening out.

What struck me today as I realized I didn’t have my wallet was that I didn’t really notice at all. Craig had to tell me that he was looking at it sitting forlornly on the sidebar in the apartment. Oops. My wallet is not my lifeline. I don’t use it during the day. I have no money in it. I don’t go out to lunch on a whim. Budgets don’t really allow for whims. It serves only to protect me from extra fines should I ever be pulled over.

My lifeline, my life in miniature, is a small fabric wristlet. In it, I carry those things most necessary for my daily life. I started using what is essentially a purse within a purse to try and keep the little things together – to avoid time digging around for chapstick or a mirror. As I was pulling something out of the wristlet today, I realized that this little container of things speaks volumes about my life.

What it contains:

1. a small two-sided plastic mirror

2. a tube of mascara

3. a small comb

4. a mini lint brush

5. lip gloss

6. chapstick

7. a nail file in it’s own little container so it doesn’t scuff other things

8. a container of anti-bug balm that sooths skin and wards off mosquitos

What it says:

1. I fiddle with my eyes a lot. I wear contacts and therefore am always trying to get something in or out of my eyes.

2. I don’t leave the house completely “done.” I’m inevitably finishing my make-up once I get to work. I also have long days where a bit of extra mascara couldn’t hurt.

3. I now have bangs and have found that a comb is helpful in getting things back in order.

4. I have animals, plural. Every surface of my life is covered in cat or dog hair. I try to keep it at bay as best I can.

5. Again – I’m always a bit behind on getting my proper face on so I carry around lip gloss to either complete the look or make myself look less tired after a long day.

6. I like choices. 

7. I’m scattered enough that my grooming happens at odd times. I break my nails a lot, too.

8. I live in the South. Spring has arrived and the biting insects are back with a vengeance. If it weren’t so toxic, I’d bath in DEET but I’m an organic-girl-in-training so natural is the better way to go. Also – I’m apparently sugar sweet to those blood suckers so I have to defend myself.

Looking back on all of the information provided by my tiny bag of convenience, I must say I had no idea my wristlet was such a gossip.

A small note

It is on my list to start blogging more regularly...hell, it's on my list to make a list of things I'd like to do with a little more consistency.  hehe  

Until then, just a small note to say that never in this day and age did I expect to hear about the "scourge of pirates" and not have it associated with a) history, b) a movie, or c) a history channel marathon.  It's very strange to constantly be hearing about pirates on NPR every morning.

History as a mobius strip, I suppose.

Snow!

I'm sitting at my In-Laws' house in West Virginia on an April morning watching it snow, and I mean really snow, outside.  It's completely awesome!

We arrived on a warm-ish sunny Saturday.  Sunday was lovely - mid 60s and all that.  Monday it turned cold, clounds moved in and it rained.  By evening it was sleeting a little with tiny bits of ice raining down on us which tinkled like glass upon hitting the pavement.  It began to dust snow later at night and we all woke up this morning to almost an inch of snow and more on the way.  It's apparently "wet snow" as I've been told so it makes really nice snowballs.  Brigid, our dog, wasn't too phased by it while she was out in it though watching it fall from insides seems to confuse her a little.  Belle, our parents' dog, isn't phased at all.  :)

I'm thinking of taking Brigid on a bit of walk today, looping the mile up and around this neighborhood.  I think she'd love to walk in the snow and I know I would!  The only thing deterring me is the rather obscenely steep hill/road to get around the circle.  This town, like apparently all towns in West Virginia, is anchored around and atop mountains.  This makes driving rather nerve-fraying but always interesting.  

Today is a lazy day.  I plan to read, rest, and watch the snow fall.  There is an electrician coming to fix the new hot tub out back and I am very hopeful that I will be able to sit in a hot tub tonight while it snows.  We shall see.  The rest of the week involves driving into Pittsburgh to see a variety of people.  It'll be busy but until then - I'm going to go look at the snow.  

Growing Up

I have a couple of friends who are currently in the throes of wedding fever, or at the very least a slight wedding cold.  They're going through what I went through where you try to reconcile what you always imagined/wanted/expected compared to (sometimes sucky) reality.  It wasn't horribly bad for me as I had no huge dreams about what my wedding would be before I started actually planning it.  I was upset at myself for being overweight and it wasn't at the Biltmore but those were things I knew weren't going to happen well before I actually began planning.

Last night I was thinking about their frustrations and I realized that I was in a similar situation emotionally.  Craig and I are trying to figure out what's going to happen next.  My job's in flux and my paycheck promises to be smaller in the coming year.  He's graduating and has so many applications out across the country it'd make your head spin.  We had talked about the Worst-Case Scenario if something doesn't come through by the summer - ie him continuing on with a second degree so that we can stay where we are and keep the living situation/finances the same.  Great - it worked.  It wasn't ideal but it worked.  It would also give us an easy out if something did fall into place at a place where he knew he could serve.  

It was/is a way for us to move towards our shared dream of planting roots in a community and really feeling like we belong.  It's the most fascinating thing to be in graduate school because you feel like you half belong and don't belong.  You have a community, friends, etc but nothing's permanent.  Many of your friends are busy figuring out their own lives and plans and nobody's here for good.  I think seminary only enhances this feeling of apart-ness because church, generally a place where you become well-known and belong, is another place of apart-ness.  Even when Craig was working at his field church, an awesome little church with a great number of wonderful people, we didn't really belong.  We didn't have family there.  We weren't on committees or in choir or whatever.  Internship was that times 10.  Our internship pastor did not encourage me getting involved in any committees because what if they came to rely on me and then I'd leave.  It makes sense but it also doesn't.  Of course, he was kind of *special* all the way around.  

Anyway, so I have this feeling of looking into a world most of the time.  I love it but I'm not part of it.  As a teenager, my picture of my life as I creep toward 30 was that I would be in the process of getting a house, be married, have kids, and be living in a place I loved.  Essentially, belonging.  What I'm faced with is all of these things (minus the married because I can check that off) being delayed.  Craig's talked about maybe pursuing another big degree that would serve his specialization in social ministry.  I want to support it and I will if that's what he decides but that just pushes my timeline back even further.  The economy is slowing down any hiring right now, even in churches and nonprofits that can afford it.  What would have taken him 3 or 4 months of searching might take him 6 or 7 months.  We just don't know.

I've come to realize that life isn't so much "this is what I'm going to do and this is how I'm going to do it" but a constant dance between opposing forces of what is desired, what is feasible, and what is desired in those around you.  None of us live in a vacuum.  My teenaged plans didn't take that into account (probably because of how insanely self-centered I was).  I'm having to take that into account now.

Craig and I want the same things: kids, a home, a sense of community.  We'll get there together.  I'm just not exactly sure how yet. 

Techno-joy? Techno-fear?

I like to think that while being relatively tech-saavy, I'm not wholly dependent upon our plugged in brethren.  My recent (pointless) foray into Twitter tells me otherwise.**

In the last 30 minutes I have managed to create a Twitter account, set up my cell phone so I can update from it, link Twitter to my Facebook account so I can update my FB status from Twitter, and link Twitter to my blog to make sure that aside from pointless daily drivel in blog form, anyone who's bored enough to stumble on this page and read something can also find out what I'm doing *thisminute* via either my Twitter page or my cell phone.  I should be appalled and I am on a tiny level.  Sadly, the greater emotion I'm experiencing is fascination.  hehe  I love Twitter's streamlined appearance and (relatively) intuitive approach.  I think it's kind of nifty (yes, nifty) that I can be wandering around Target and send an update to Twitter to let my whole one follower (who's probably with me in Target anyway as he's married to me) know that I'm in consumeristic heaven.  

*sigh*

I thought I could avoid some of the technological fluff that's out there.  I thought that my disgust with the Kindle concept and my numerous activites outside and away from the computer would distinguish me from technophiles.  But, no.  I love all of this random technological crap that allows us to know way more than we ever should about our friends and relatives at the same time allowing us to share to the same deep, slightly disturbing levels with them.  I love it all.

Somebody save me from myself.

**It should be noted that I blame my new interest in Twitter on Craig.  He's the real technophile.  I'm the lemming that follows along after.

Feeling old

Nothing makes you feel more like a dusty, cranky, boring ol' grown-up than doing taxes.

Well, nothing except for doing said taxes and having to pay the government for the first time.

Compound that with the realization that the reason you have to pay is that you did the responsible grown up thing and converted your traditional IRA to a Roth IRA and therefore had to pay taxes on it.  

*sigh*

Excuse me while I go rest a spell and watch my stories. :-/

Sweating it Out

I worked out 12 days in January.  I worked out 20 days in February.  I'm shooting for 25 days in March.  Onward and upward is my thinking.

I'm trying to build in myself a love of working out.  Mostly, I love naps, reading books, and watching television.  However, after two months of fairly consistent exercise, I can honestly say that I'm starting to love it.  I really love it when I'm done.  I feel accomplished.  I feel sore and proud to be sore.  I have started writing down my workouts in my planner and highlighting them with a green marker.  It's truly awesome to look over a month and see loads of green!

Craig has even started working out as well.  He's a self-proclaimed lazy person but a bit of Wii Fit fun (I bought it for him for Christmas) and some of my enthusiasm/heckling have worked together to get him moving.  :)

To be perfectly honest, I think we're both exceeding our expectations regarding healthy living because we're in limbo.  Craig is almost done with his Master's degree and has applications out all over the US.  We're not sure where we'll be or what we'll be doing in the months to come.  We could be here; we could be thousands of miles away.  It's really exciting and thrilling and irritating all at once!  We have so many plans - house, kids, garden, projects, etc - that we're trying to get ready for it all by focusing on ourselves and our health.

I have a secondary motive as well.  If we do end up going somewhere, it'll be like a new beginning - a fresh start.  I'd like to start that start (hee) being the best I could possibly be.  I'm already pretty awesome (hey, it's taken me years to be able to say that about myself so I'm allowed a little vanity now and then.)  I would also like bangs but that is another obsession and one that I am approaching cautiously as I've never had them before.  As my mother said the other day, "Are you sure?  You have a low forehead."  I replied with a sight, "I am not a neanderthal, Mom.  I have a small forehead, not a low one."  hee

All in all - Craig and I are getting ourselves ready for changes down the pike by eating better and exercising more.  I am also collecting pictures of bangs I think might work on my face. :)

In case you haven't gathered, I'm a little bit odd.  I like that.  It keeps people on their toes.  :)

Ch-ch-ch-changes

This is my life, in words.  

My name is McKenzie.  I am 28, married, mom to two cats and a dog, hopelessly nerdy, surprisingly loud, and a historian/historic preservationist.  My husband Craig is 31, a graduate student at a seminary, hysterically funny, a delightful grouch, and absolutely (to a surprising and intense degree) devoted to family and friends.  

We are getting ready to make the next big jump in our life together and move.  We don't know where.  I have a great job where we are now but we feel that God is pointing us in a different direction.  Craig has applications out to a variety of jobs scattered throughout the country.  We are waiting to see what happens and feeling pretty positive about the whole experience.  We're tired of feeling like transients and long for a community where we can plant roots and grow.  We want a house, a garden, kids...the whole shebang. 

Things feel tightly wound as of late.  I think something's getting ready to happen.  It's a good feeling.

This is a new story - the story of us.  If you want to catch up on the story of me told sporadically over the past two years, check out this blog to do so.  That was about me.  That was about looking back and thinking.  This is about our family: me, Craig, the dog, the cats, my insanity (it has its own place at the table, folks).  All the good stuff.  I needed a place to move forward.