How did this happen?

Six Month Photo Shoot at Sears

Bathtime last night

These pictures of the Monster are roughly one year apart.  Where has the time gone?

Ella-isms

"Battheball.  Battheball. Battheball."  - Said while retrieving her toy bat and smacking pretty much anything - ball, dog, stacking blocks, etc.
"Mommy, up.  Peeease.  Up.  Peease." - Repeated over and over to me in the event I have the audacity to lay down on the floor with a pillow while she is around.  Mommies should be up and out of her way, darn it!
"Uh-oh, Teevee." - Said anytime the tv is not doing what she thinks it ought to be doing - too quiet, off, on, muted, paused.

And my favorite phrase of the day:

"Sorry, baby." - Said in a very matter-of-fact way with a pause in between the two words.  It cracks me up every time.

Wishes

I want a typewriter.

Mmmm....typewriter.

As I said in a recent post, I'm contemplating how to live my life a little more deeply and deliberately.  One aspect I come back to is my love of the written word and my former drive to craft stories of my own.  I haven't completed my notes/thoughts on bettering my life (Hey - I said DELIBERATE alright?  Off my case!) but I do know that part of my problem with the written word is my tendency to waffle and then wander away.

I write a paragraph or two, futz with the words, delete whole sentences, futz some more, and then wander off in search of easier pursuits.  I leave convinced of my inablilty to write when really, it's my inability to commit to anything more academically challenging than a tv game show by the time the work day is over and the baby is in bed.

I have wanted a typewriter for as long as I can remember.  I blame Murder, She Wrote.  When I was probably five years old or so, my mother gave me an old gray-green one that set in it's own case.  It was old, the keys got stuck, and it probably weighed as much as I did.  I loved it!  When we moved to California from Ohio, she made me get rid of it, saying we had a computer now and it wasn't worth the move.  Pfft.

For my 21st birthday my parents purchased an old and dinged up typewriter for me with the intention of refurbishing it.  Sadly, college was in full swing and I didn't take it with me.  About a year and a half later they sold the house and, in the garage sale in preparation of the move, sold the typewriter.  Pfft.  (To be far, this time they asked and I gave permission as I knew it was not going to be refurbished any time soon.)

You may think I'm kidding about my typewriter love but this website is where I fantasy shop.  *drool*

Now that you know the backstory...

Last night I was sitting with my laptop and wishing the battery in it wasn't completely kaput.  I have to charge up about every hour or so.  I was also wishing it wasn't so warm on my leg and it wasn't so distracting.  I had ten windows open, kept clicking into Facebook, and screwing around with a few other things.  I thought about all that internal noise we keep plugging into.  I thought about all the effort to be near a plug, remain connected, deal with glitches.  If I could have something that allowed me to write, forced me to focus, and wouldn't allow me to fiddle with paragraphs, instead helped me to move forward through the pages I would have a useful tool to help build my skills.

What magical machine could do such things?!?

Typewriter!

It wouldn't have to be beautiful like the ones I linked to above.  It would only need to be a workhorse, something to help me build the strength and focus that I seek.

I haven't convinced Craig yet but I'm thinking that a few well chosen things to be sold would get me a decent starter machine and put me on the way toward discipline. (More on discipline in a later post.)

Ahh...to google, perchance to dream.

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind: #41-45

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
Gah!  I'd take my family with me to visit my parents and my inlaws and during all of that travel time coast to coast I'd call my closest friends to connect along the way.

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
Give up ten years of friends and family?  Ten years of watching my child (and potentially her child) grow?  Ten years of attempting recipes and going on walks and bad tv shows?  Not a chance.  I already have a life I love.  Ten years is too great a price to get an equal life with different circumstances.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
One is merely existing and the other is experiencing.  I've met a few people who go through life letting it happen to them and it is never a pretty picture.  They have war stories and bent backs but they never seem to have learned or enjoyed anything.  It's always about what happened to them rather than what they did or how they happened to other people.  I may feel at times (see my previous post) that I'm letting life just sail by without doing anything about it but I strive to feel in control of my life.  I want to know, at the end of my time here, that I mattered to people, that I didn't just sit by and let things happen but that I went out and effected change in the world whether through activisim, friendship, compassion, or hard work.

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
This question is incredibly timely for me.  I think it's time to stop calculating when you've gone over everything from several angles, thought about it, discussed it with those involved (spouse, partner, colleague), discussed it with your chosen sounding board (parent, friend, etc) and the only thing left to do is commit.  I don't make hasty decisions.  I can't afford to when I have people depending on me.  However, when you're running the same scenarios over and over with the same result and you know the answer, it's time to make a decision and stick with it.

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Learning from mistakes can be painful, messy, and embarrassing.  Who wants to go through that?  I think we're always looking for ways to learn our lessons without having to cry, bleed, or beg in front of others.  We often fail and come out the other end better people but it's not an easy process.  Life is not always (or often) kind.

A More Deliberate Existence

I know I've been absent an awful lot from the blog lately.

I know I say that on a semi-regular basis.

I'm trying to be better.

Lately, I've been mulling over the concept of living a more deliberate life.  So many of the things I focus on throughout the day are outside of my immediate control.  I obsess over the long term while neglecting the here-and-now.  I feel like I'm half-assing it through the day to day and I don't like it.

In the midst of the recent chaos (recent? haha), I'm taking a bit of time to try and map out the important parts of my life and how to treat them with a little more thought, care, and respect.  Faith, family, home, hobbies, and self all need a bit more care.  I'm almost at a point where I'm ready to share my new goals.

While I continue to muse, enjoy a picture of the cutest little monster this side of...well anywhere!

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind: #36-40

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
Sometimes.

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
No.  If I had a million dollars I'd pay off our student loans, credit cards, put some in savings for Ella's college, put some in savings for retirement, buy a home, and then give the rest to friends, family, and charity.  I would, at that point, have taken care of our needs, debt, and that of others.  I could work happily for the rest of my time knowing we were in the black, we had taken care of Ella, taken a huge leap at retirement planning, and helped people we could now continue to help by having disposable/savable/giveable income now that we were in the black.  *sigh*  A girl can dream.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
More work I love doing - hands down.  Work can come in so many forms and whether it's working with clients or working with my own family to get things done around the house, I'd rather have purposeful and enjoyable work to do than a lot of time on my hands.

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Sometimes but then I pick Ella up from daycare and it's anybody's guess and I love it!

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
I'm doing it now, baby!  I believe we have a role in God's world and in God's plan and I'm trying like hell to hear that role.  Craig and I are marching doggedly into uncertainty, all the while believing and hoping (and on bad days hoping with slivers of believing shining brightly) that we are where we are for a reason and for His purpose.  I am facing down an application for state assistance to help feed, medically insure, and care for my child so that we can scrape by.  If this isn't the darkness of the unknown, I don't know what is.

On My Mind Often

Luke 22:41-42: He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." (NIV)

I recently heard a lesson on this verse while teaching Junior High Sunday School.  We were watching a Nooma video by Rob Bell and the focus was on the concept that perhaps our focus shouldn't be on what we want God to do for us but what He wants us to do for Him and for others.  I don't know if the kids really got it but the whole video had a huge impact on me.

Craig and I are at a point in our lives where we're constantly praying for things to change.  Craig's job ends in two weeks.  He's had a fair number of interviews but nothing's firmly on the horizon yet.  He can't claim unemployment because churches, like non-profits, can opt out of paying unemployment taxes.  However, unlike non-profits, churches are also exempt from reimbursing the state for claims paid to laid-off employees.  We didn't know that when this whole thing started.  We know now.

We like where we are.  Craig liked the ministry he was involved in.  As it stands, those things aren't matching up really well.  I'm a bit gunshy now of church jobs and experiences because of how badly things went at times in his current job.  (Point of fact, I am no longer worshiping there - I couldn't stick it out to the end because of how awful it made me feel every week to go to a place where no one seemed to notice if we were coming or going, no one seemed to care.)  However, I long for a church to make friends, raise my kids, nurture myself.  I am not giving up.  I'm just...healing.

All of my focus and prayers have been about getting through and making things work as they are - here in our town, here with our friends.  After hearing Rob's message on the video I was, truth be told, very reluctant to say the prayer I needed to say.  Afraid to give up control and truly mean Your will and not mine.  I've prayed it several times recently and now it seems to be my mantra.  If it's God's will, there's a reason/purpose for it and everything will work out.  My will, maybe not so much.  It's scary and frustrating at times but I've been whispering it to myself today as I see more postings for places not close by that might be the perfect fit for Craig.

I don't know what is in our future but I know if we make the effort to listen, make the effort to be still long enough to listen, and follow what we hear, we will be okay. 

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind: #31-35

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
I'd have to say it's always the present.  I was very passionate about my studies and my life experiences during graduate school and I miss feeling that way now.  I like my job well enough but I'm not passionate about it.  However, I'm crazy passionate about my family and making my life where I'm living, so to speak.  I love the area we live in.  I love watching my daughter grow.  I love evenings chatting about life with my husband.  I miss the job aspect right now but life is a cycle and something will come around.  I'm happier with what I have than what could have been.

32. If not now, then when?
See above.  :)
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
What's it?  Achieved what?  I don't know if I'm atypical because I haven't plowed through life with a goal.  I tend to approach things wondering what experiences I will get and what friends I can make along the way.  Perhaps, in a sense, I'm achieving that goal all the time simply by living.

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Yes.  I have a handful of friends and family with whom I feel that connection.  I'm such a talker that sometimes it's hard to find that experience but there are people I know will be that person for me if I or they need it.

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Perhaps because religions are made up of humans and humans can be petty and vicious creatures?  I don't really have an answer but the ideas and beliefs that people have, no matter how noble, cannot remove all traces of human-ness from their followers.  We are not perfect and can damage the things that we devote ourselves too by our zealousness and unyielding qualities.  Religion, politics, self-preservation (be it preservation of food for families or status through wealth or reputation) are things that people so closely identify with that they are sometimes willing to go to great and destructive lengths to protect what they view as themselves and their place in the world.

Snapshot: Ella at 15 months!

As the grandmas like to remind me, I'm not that good at keeping the pictures of Ella showing up in their inboxes.  Between the gym, work, family time, and keeping the house sort of picked up, I am short several hours each day.  I'm going to try and do more posts like this just to keep up with my rapidly growing baby girl.

I left her this morning sitting on the couch, gnawing on an apple, and watching Sesame Street.  It was adorable and it pretty much broke my heart.  How did she get this big?!

Her favorite toys:  Regulation-size football, Winne-the-Pooh ball, anything that makes noise, anything that she's not supposed to have that has buttons (phones, remotes, wiimotes, the tv), any of her monkeys which she refers to as babies most of the time

Her regular rotation vocabularly:  baby, bubbles, bye-bye, daddy, cracker, shoes, mine, ball, book, quack-quack (which sounds more like "caw caw")

Her favorite words to hear:  1) "bye-bye" if she's going with you - she loves to get out and about.  If you say it, put on her jacket and then dally too long, a major hissy ensues. 2) "bubbles" if it's time for bath.  She LOVES bath time!

She loves to throw her ball around, all the while saying "ah...ah...choo" and then throwing it down.  She adores her cat and her dog and anyone else's cat and dog.  She clings to me every chance she gets which is lovely and frustrating, all at once.  She is capitvated by music, loves to climb and bounce on the furniture, and loves tickle/cuddle time so long as no one involved is sitting still. 

Brushing her teeth (all 12) is an ordeal.  Utensils are still optional, and we're almost at the biggest of the sippy cups before an open cup.  She knows crazy amounts - way more than she says - and she loves nothing more than letting out an ear piercing shriek when she doesn't get her way.

Life without her would be so boring.

Pity Party: Table for One

There are days I would give anything to be able to stay at home with my daughter.  Anything.  Instead, I spend my time constantly apologizing/feeling guilty for working a job that sucks up all my time (and still I'm behind) and wishing with all my heart I had more time to spend with Ella.

10 Kinds of Awesome

1. Listening to my baby girl screech with laughter as she runs to the far side of the room, stops, smiles, bolts back, and jumps into my lap for tickles
2. Smelling cool fresh air drifting in from the open window while lying in bed
3. A new book from the library and a quiet hour or two in the evening to read
4. Feeling totally badass leaving the gym before 7:30 in the morning after having an awesome hour plus work out with a friend
5. Taking a few hours off work to go on a mini-date with the hubs
6. The grateful pant of my dog after a walk or a trip to the dog park
7. Counting down the days till a family vacay that should be full of laughter, good food, wine, and boundless attention and spoiling for Ella
8. Shrugging off spiritual dead weight and preparing myself for new and changing experiences
9. Watching my husband blow out a faux birthday candle while friends and friends of friends sang to him - ie the feeling of belonging
10. Feeling my roots grow into a new are as I drive around freely, have favorite restaurants, parks, hang outs, and places that make me feel like home

Fandom

In honor of NaBloPoMo, of which I only seem to participate in spats but hey, everyone needs a goal, this post is about those things of which I am a fan.

*deep breath* I am officially proclaiming myself a fan of:

• The smell of freshly cut grass - heavenly!
• Everything Christmas - the songs, the cold air, the decorations, the hymns - love it!
• Ghostbusters - the finest movie ever made.  Period.
• Reading magazines back to front while lying on my bed with my head at the foot and my feet at the top
• Ella chattering to herself as she plays
• Late night spent talking and drinking wine with my parents and brother
• Car trips with my husband
• Taking work off early on a sunny day to run errands and just feel free!
• Cheesy tv show marathons *coughghostwhisperercough*
• The way I feel after a really good work out at the gym
• Walking through the neighborhood with dog, baby, and husband
• Books - old, new, mine, borrowed, or from the library - I love them all!

Those are just a few things that make me smile extra-wide.

Kindred Spirits

**I started this AGES ago - before Craig was let go.  Before our friend the associate pastor resigned his post because of how shitty the church was treating him.  Before I decided I couldn't pretend to be nice to people who smiled and nodded and looked right through me.  Clearly, life has rolled on from this post but it's still worth posting.

Today I was a bit flabbergasted at comment made by someone in relation to the budget issues going on at Craig's job.  I was sitting with my friend, who is the associate pastor's wife, this evening and this person began to speak with her about this issue and the comments were such that my mouth actually dropped open a bit.  (The budget issues affect all staff, by the way, so this was directly mostly toward her husband and somewhat toward mine.)  The person didn't mean it as such but was saying things that were a touch bullying and a whole lot of naive.  Now, this person is somewhat of an outspoken individual anyway but it was a bit over the top, even for them.  My friend kept her cool, responded politely but frankly, while the person didn't get it per se, stopped spouting bossy nonsense.

I was texting her later about it and the whole situation made me smile.  I'm all about silver lining these days and she is my silver lining.  If we hadn't taken this job, we would not have moved this state and she and I would never have met.  This got me thinking about how we, as adults, label our friends/acquaintances/etc.

The terms BFF or "bestie" or "best friend" are ones that feel awkward coming out of my mouth.  My husband is my best friend.  I don't have a gaggle of BFFs or, as one friend refers to her best her "hetero lobster."  I always wondered why I hesitate before calling those I am closest to my "best" friend.  Possibly because it seems odd to have more than one best friend.  Possibly, and this is just a me thing, it feels strangely high school coming out of my mouth.  That's not to say that I think those with best friends in the traditional sense are juvenile.  It's just a weird me thing.

However, this evening after putting the phone down after texting my friend, it dawned on me.  I am a friendly person and can get along with a lot of people.  I have lots of friends but those that are closer to me, more important/special to me are kindred spirits.  People who get me in a way that few do and in different ways from each other.  Thus, they can't be best friends in my mind because they aren't better than each other just different.

Roll Call of Awesomeness:

Kate in Texas - She set the conversation bar for all future friends the first time we met when we talked for four hours about everything from tv to shopping to religion to ex-boyfriends.  It was epic.  We haven't lived in the same state in almost 4 years and we don't talk on the phone as often as either of us would like (damn you life and family and work) but she's that friend who I always want to run things by, who I can count on to support me in my mini-panics of life, and who I long to have a girl's weekend with where we bring copious bottles of wine, old pictures from our ugly years, MST3K movies, and laugh until we can't cry anymore.

Lindsay in South Carolina - She's like the little sister I never had.  She's the rock and the worrier and for that I love her.  She and I studied in the same specialization, tolerated the same people on a 6 1/2 week field school in England, and worked at the same job post-graduation.  We've shared notes, project work, laughs, advice, office space.  She was the practical to my impractical, the memory to my lack thereof.  We chat often online and I harbor not-so-secret hopes she and her awesome hubby come visit so we can geek our way through the area on a historical architectural tour with Craig tailing along rolling his eyes.  hehe

Rebekah in South Carolina - First, tour guide.  Second, supervisor.  She's the outrageous life of the party with brains and beauty to boot.  She's offered her alcohol, her shoulder, and her home when I needed it.  She was in my wedding (and gracious enough to accept my offer belatedly when she should have been one of the first I asked) and she was at the first Falvo Thanksgiving as the most honored/awesome houseguest.  She's a true blue loyal friend.  I think each and every time I listen to Ke$ha (and that's a lot lately - yay mindless workout music!)

Kristen in Alabama - One of my closest college friends, we're on opposite ends of the voting spectrum but that's never stopped us from having great conversations, supporting one another when necessary, and always wishing we lived closer.  She's one of the strongest, most confident people I know and rightfully so.  I aspire to be as smart as she is.

Stephanie in California - We met at a Weight Watcher meeting and realized we knew of each other but had never met.  She was four years ahead of me in school.  I as an 8th grader attended her final chorale show as a senior and fell in love with Les Miserables due to one of their numbers.  She's very proud of that fact.  She and her hubs are teh shit and made my last year in California wonderful.  We're not the best at keeping contact but my coffee with her last November when I was home was the highlight of my trip - no joke.  She's glamorous, smart, and the kind of person you can trust with anything.  She even stayed friend with me when another friend of mine was kind of a regular bitch to her.  She sets the bar for class.  When I daydream about moving back to California to live, she is one of the first things on the Pro side of my Pro/Con list.

Deb in Washington - She's the one who inspired me to write this post.  She and her family are my silver lining.  Her friendship makes this whole "Moving across the country for a job which ended up being an excellent lesson in life wrapped in shit" episode worth it.  Smart, hilarious, confidant, and accepting of all - she's awesome.  She let me tag along as a lonely unemployed/semi-employed preggo when we first moved here.  She answered my hysterical 7am call after a 12 hr night shift when my cat died and took care of me that day.  She was the first visitor to the hospital after Ella was born.  She's my workout buddy and my bitch buddy.  She and her hubs and her family have included us on holidays and made us feel like we have roots (tiny but growing ones) here in the Pac NW.  I don't know how I could go through all of this shit with Craig's job without her.

Honorable Mention One:  Sue in Virginia Beach (Hi Sue - I know you read this!)  I was only lucky enough to know Sue in person for a few months when I worked in Virginia Beach.  She and her hubs are SO awesome!  She was so much fun to work with and get to know!  Sadly, I got another (crazy busy) job and I never managed to make it back to visit with her.  Then I moved coasts so she and the hubs never made it down to visit us in Columbia.  She was so much fun at a time when I was a pretty lonely gal.  I know she and her husband take cruises so I keep hoping she'll tell me they're taking an Alaska cruise out of Seattle and we can visit!  :D

Honorable Mention Two: Seminary - everyone at seminary who we drank with, laughed with, ate Indian food with, and watched Project Runway/Bachelor/etc with.  Ryan, Christy, Dave, Lauren, Wade, Irina, Steve, Stacey, Kristy, Michelle, Brad - and everyone else I didn't type out.  I love Facebook if only that I can keep in touch, however faint of touch, with all of you.  Our years in Cola would not have been as wonderful as they were without you.  It was the perfect storm of awesome.  :D

These women (and several of their husbands) are reasons I count myself blessed.  They have made an impact on my life, on my husband's life, on my child's.  There are times when I look over Facebook and see a lot of friends from my hometown who own houses and have their same group they had in high school and I feel a twinge of envy that they have family and friends all within easy visiting distance and little debt because they haven't spent a large part of their adulthood traveling around.  It's then that I remember that if I hadn't made the choices I did I would never have met the women listed above and the countless other friends (Hey to grad school friends, seminary friends, job friends) who I have met along the way.  Until we develop teleportation as a cheap and viable means of travel, I will always slightly envy those who can have Happy Hours regularly with their besties or Sunday dinners with the family but I wouldn't trade these friends for ease of contact for anything in the world.

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind: #26-30

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
Gah!  That's really hard.  I think I would rather lose all of my memories and have the ability to look forward to making new connections rather than be forced to continually look backward.

27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
Whose truth?  What truth?  This is an incredibly vague question.  I'm not entirely sure how to answer it.  I'm not inherently a rebellious/aggressive person.  I didn't go through a time of testing limits to understand why they were there so I guess my answer would be yes, it is possible

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Well, I'm not dead yet, so that's a plus.  hehe  Seriously,  I think my worst fear is losing those close to me suddenly and so far, I've been very blessed.

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
Five years ago my friendship with someone from high school was starting to deteriorate.  It was actually four years ago that I was extremely upset.  The friendship finally fell to pieces amidst wedding planning and we didn't speak for two years.  Even now, things are cordial but not much more.  I'm not upset anymore and it really worked out for the best.  The

30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
My favorite childhood memories are trips and vacations with my parents and brother.  We've always had fun trips - laughter, sight-seeing, neat hotels, or just spending time with relatives in Indiana.  Love it!  Of those, I think our cross country drive from California to Washington, DC and back was the best.  We got to visit the Hermitage, Monticello, several of the Smithsonian museums, and Colonial Williamsburg.  We stayed in strange motels, played car games, and ate at neat restaurants.  I will always remember driving late into the night with my dad at the wheel, my mom next to him, and my brother asleep in the back seat of the mini van when "Hooked on a Feeling" came on the radio.  My mom grabbed this little faux Nickelodeon microphone that had come in a happy meal earlier that day and she and my father belted that song out, slime and orange colored microphone waving back and forth between them.  It was just a perfect moment.

Indeed.

While screwing around on the internet and drinking (always a dangerous combination)  I came across a quote by Dorothy Parker that perfectly summarizes the church where Craig currently works and everything that's taken place around it:

"This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible.  This was terrible with raisins in it."

Indeed, Dorothy Parker.  Indeed.

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind: #21-25

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
Lately?  Joyful and simple.  However, that's just in response to all the worry and frustration that's been around lately.  I think over the grand course of my life, I'd rather be aware of what was going because, I would think, that you could then make the choice to change your situation or your mindset while as a simpleton...you're pretty much stuck.

22. Why are you, you?
Genetics, environment, Gifts from God, luck, twists of fate?  A mix of everything that I started with and everything I've encountered since then.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
I have always tried to treat people as I would like to be treated though I am sure there are times I have failed.  As I have aged and gained experience and perspective I think I have become much better at understanding situations and treating people respectfully and supportively. 

I had a friend in the past who was hellbent on being right, being smartest, being the most competent and in her quest for this validation, treated me really poorly - alternating between condescention and disgust at times.  She was always trying to prove she was the better of the two of us and yet was so jealously possessive of me it often left me confused.  Was I the silly person who didn't know things or was I a friend too precious to share with others? 

My experience with her has made me hyper-sensitive to accepting others where they are and befriending them for who they are and not for who they could be or how my friendship with them makes me look/feel.  Friends come in all shapes/sizes/sexual orientations/religions/economic statuses and they're all okay so long as they're as accepting of you as you are of them.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
I don't know - for some reason, I'm always the one moving away.  I guess the former because I honestly cannot think of a time that the latter has happened.  I guess I haven't stayed in one place long enough to lose touch with anyone and still live near them.

25. What are you most grateful for?
My family.  My husband is my best friend.  My baby makes me smile when I'm having a rotten day.  My brother is teh awesome.  My parents are so much fun to be around.  My in-laws are wonderful and supportive.  My friends near and far whom I count as sisters and brothers through experience and memories make me feel truly blessed.

Exhausted

I have not fallen off the face of the earth (or the interwebs) but the sheer level of effort it has taken me lately to remain grounded and positive and supportive and happy and productive has been exhausting.

I am spiritually, mentally, and physically exhausted.

I need a vacation.

Bad Things in Threes

**I swear I have like 10 blog posts half-written but I just haven't had the time, energy, or inclination to work on them as of late.  Lo siento!**

I don't know if Murphy set this one up alongside his "law" just to screw with humanity but bad things always seem to come in threes.

Today I thought our three were as follows:
1) Craig will be out of work effective July 1, 2011 due to the massive clusterf*ck that is his job.
2) We learned yesterday that he gets no unemployment benefits because the church he worked for opted not to pay unemployment taxes.  We didn't know and it looks like it was a perfect storm of our ignorance, nobody communicating in this church, and misinformation that led us here.  Good times.
3) Craig's car started grinding today when backing.  Double good times.

HOWEVER, things are not so dire.

We had the brakes completely replaced a month ago on the car (Thanks Mom and Dad Falvo) and Craig took the car back to where the work was done and the owner looked at the car, found a spring loose, fixed it and charged nothing. (Thanks Mark's Expert Auto Service!!!)

THEREFORE, I think we may have weathered one of the three with the brakes that cost about the car's worth a month ago and now we're looking up.  Maybe?  Anyone?

It's all about the positive thinking!

Ash Wednesday, Bitches!

Is that wrong?  If it is, I don't want to be right!

I shouldn't laugh but that was the first thing I thought of this morning upon waking...well the first thing after, wow - I've really been beaten up by life lately.  Life and a few choice people - you can suck it!

*deep breath*

Enough negativity!  It's Lent, people!  It's a time to prepare for and reflect on the coming Easter season and what it means.  Lots of people give up things for Lent - meat, sugar, soda, porn, whatever.  I've never been much for that.  Anything I could think of to give up always seemed self-servingm a la "Oh, I'll give up chocolate and both be disciplined AND lose weight/eat better."  This year I'm taking a page out of my husband's book and adding things on and letting things go rather than just giving something up for 40 days. 

Devotional #1: Regular Evening Prayers with Craig
Craig has several nifty books not unlike the Book of Common Prayer and we are going to take this Lenten time to really try and focus some choice evening minutes toward prayer and reflection.  There is a lot going on in our lives that has created a perfect storm of anger and despair.  It has all made it very difficult to talk to God because we've spent a lot of time mad at Him lately.  This is a step in the direction of letting go of that anger and developing more regular times to turn inward and outward in healthy ways.

Devotional #2: Reading through Lamentations
I told Craig this morning that I thought I should consider reading through a chapter of the bible this Lenten season.  "A chapter?"  He sounded confused.  I realized my mistake.  "A book!  A chapter wouldn't really take all 40 day - haha."  I wasn't sure which book to pick (my bible knowledge is rather shamefully slim) and Craig suggested Lamentations.  I asked whether he was suggesting it given our recent struggles or because of Lent and he said both.  I figured, hey, what the heck!  I'm going to spend this time reading through this book, of which I am wholey unfamiliar, and mulling over my experience with it.  Craig's also going to be reading through it as well so that we can discuss any questions either of us have though let's be honest and just admit it'll be me with the questions.

On top of these two new project/tasks, I am also going to work through my feelings of anger, abandonment, and envy and try to be a more positive and forgiving person.  I think that's going to take a lot longer than 40 days but I think it might do me good to focus on this little piece of personal betterment during a season of self-reflection moving toward the cross. (Man, do I sound like I'm married to a seminarian or what?  LOL)

Anyhoo - I'm going to try and use this space as a regular reflection space for my journey so look for most posts on this subject to follow (all you two readers of my blog)!

The Month of March in One Word

Already!?!

Images of life

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It's Alive!!

I was really on top of blogging every day for the first week of the month.  

And then, as always, life got in the way.

I started a post that's still in my draft bin.  It starts out discussing gossips and generally crappy people but finishes in thoughts about true friendship.  I felt so conflicted about the situation that made me start the post that I avoided my blog for a few days.  

A few days turned into two weeks with the baby getting sick again, me working like crazy, me getting sick, and now being at work again because of sick days and a snow day.  

Life...sometimes I feel like I'm just hanging on by my nails.

Because I mostly ramble about myself...

I'm posting a couple pictures of the adorable monster living in my home in an attempt to balance the narcissim of this supposedly family blog.

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50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind: #16-20

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because we are not the Borg?  This seems a bit silly.  I'm not everyone and everyone is not me.  If we all liked the same things it would be interesting for about five minutes and then the world would become profoundly boring.

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What's holding you back? 
Travel to Ireland with my husband.  We are poor, unstable financially, and in the lucky possession of an adorable daughter who we really couldn't imagine a) leaving for two or three weeks and b) taking with us at her age on an international trip for two or three weeks.  Thus, we remain home for the time being, biding our time for a fantastic trip someday.

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
It comes to my attention at surprising times that I am working my way toward letting go of some deep hurts from a high school/college friend and some people from my sorority.  I think I'm really only pinky-holding onto everything but I'm not completely over being angry or less-than-amused at several individuals who had more control over me emotionally than I care to admit and who were, in the case of high school friend, bossy, judgmental, and demeaning, and in the case of the others, careless and hurtful in one phenomenal stroke.  I'm working on forgiveness and I have done it for the most part but there are times memories of those experiences come back and more anger or disgust than I anticipate floods forth.  My emotions, like their creator, are a work in progress.


19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
The answer to this question really depends on the day.  Foreign country would absolutely have to be Britain.  I have often told my husband that if he were to ever find a job there, I'd sell or store all of our stuff and move in a heartbeat.  :)


Depending on my mood, I alternately think it would be lovely to be in California nearer to my family or in South Carolina nearer to my friends or Pittsburgh nearer to the other side of the family.  They are all so far away and different that it's really just wishing but there you have it.  If I could find a way to fold the country so that the two sides of the ocean were closer together, I would.

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Yep.  Nope.  Just for fun.  Who doesn't like pushing buttons?!

Monday Blahs

1. I slept horribly and dreamt about my daughter choking on food or drowning - ick.
2. A group of gym-y type people took over the general space left at the Y for stretching to do a little calisthenics class of their own so I was left to do my stretching kind of in a pathway/open area with no mat.
3. I got to the gym late because of an internal argument over sleep and thus had 4 of the 6 showers occupied, leaving me either the handicap one or a center one.  I chose the center one thinking someone else might need the wider stall with the seat and I ended up with the one with a clogged drain.  I had to block the mental image of all this dirty (and not all my) water pooling around my ankles and shower as quickly as possible.
4. I left my cell phone at home.
5. I had meeting, meeting, client meeting, meeting before I even got to have a sip of my coffee this morning.
6. My throat is sore and I just don't have time to be sick.

Grr.  Monday go away.

The dog speaks for all

How can the weekend already be over?!?

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50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind: #11-15

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
I claim her for a friend and stand up for her against their unjustified criticism.  I've had to do it before and I'd do it again. 

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
You start out life not caring what others think of you, your likes/dislikes, and the people you love.  Somewhere after that you start caring and it's a long road to figuring out that life is much better and much happier if you're not worried about what your friend/classmate/significant other feels about your outfits or favorite band or whatever.  Remember that it's good to be unique - life is a lot more fun that way.

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
What law and what kind of saving?  Murder so they don't lose their job - probably not.  Stealing so they aren't themselves murdered - probably so.  But then the question is stealing what and from who?  I will move heaven and earth to protect my family from predators and to ensure my child can grow up healthy and happy but I think there are moral factors at play with my statement.  *pause*  I don't know that I really answered that question but I think it's really more of a discussion over good wine than it is a singular answerable question in a blog.

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
Perhaps not clearly in my own life but don't we all see it when we look at the paintings of Van Gogh or read the poetry of Sylvia Plath?  I'm sure I could think of times where I got elbows deep into a story, a home reorganization, or a photography project and thought "Okay, I've officially gone off the deep end" but later realized I wasn't as off-point as I thought I was.

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
Hmm...I love reading magazines back to front - starting with the fluffly end piece and working my way to the fluffy beginning pieces.  I don't know why I do it but I do.  I also make Beef Stroganoff with those crunchy noodles you get at Chinese restaurants instead of egg noodles.  However, that's a family thing so that can't be TOO different.  hehe

Safety

Today there was a shooting in our apartment complex. I'd like to say this was a bizarre and unique situation but I can't. We have lived here for 16 months and in that time there have been two shootings and one drug bust. There's also been booming car bass, wandering drunks, and the annual Christmas mega-party for our downstairs neighbors.

We thought we could move out after January 1 but no go. We're stuck. I'd give anything for a better feeling of safety (not to mention more space and a yard) but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

At least our immediate neighbors are nice and our roof and walls are solid.

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January Books

I tried this last year to no avail.  I'd really like to keep a going record of the books I read (aside from such literary classics as "That's Not My Monkey" and "Animal Noises" and "Baby Talk" - hehe)

January was a pretty sparse month for literature.  I believe I only completed two books.

The Lampshade: A Holocaust Detective Story from Buchenwald to New Orleans by Mark Jacobson
This was a fascinating book that was not what I thought it would be.  I expected a historical adventure from Point A to Point B in trying to ascertain whether an inherited lampshade found during the aftermath of Katrina was human in orgin and, if so, who it was.  Instead, this was a meandering tale of research, interviews, and travel set against the backdrop of culture, racism, and introspection into the human condition.  All told, it was a really thought-provoking and well-written book.  It's a touch morbid, how could it not be, but I would recommend it to everyone who wants to think a little bit more deeply about what pain humans inflict on one another and how interconnected the human experience truly is.

Elephants Can Remember by Agatha Christie
I started this book in October of 2009 when living with my wonderful friend Rebekah while Craig was already on the West Coast.  I wasn't too far into it when I moved and thus had to leave it semi-read.  I again picked it up at Rebekah's when the Family Falvo stayed with her in November of 2010 while in town for my awesome friend Lindsay's wedding.  I was within 50 pages of finishing when again I had to leave, thus leaving it mostly-read.  I *finally* remembered to check in out in January of 2011 from our library and *finally* finished it!  Woot!  It was lovely, as most Agatha Christies are. 

I've been mulling over a number of different reading goals this year.  I think the more audacious goal is to read through the whole of Kurt Vonnegut's works and perhaps a slightly fluffier goal would be the same read-through of Agatha Christie.  It remains to be seen what I'll settle on because the list of books to read keeps growing and my time to read is to short with an active child.  :)

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind: #6-10

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
I would be in heaven if I could be paid to research and write on the histories of places and buildings but in a job that also gave me an outlet for human interaction.  I love digging into a subject and finding out about it but I also really enjoy working with people - helping someone makes my day.  I don't know if that kind of job is out there but that would make me very happy.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I don't know if this question relates to my employment or my general existence so I'll make it a two part answer. 

In relation to my employment, I work for an estate planning law firm as a paralegal in charge of assisting people with the funding of their trusts.  I really enjoy what I do and I love that it is not a litigation firm but a firm of people truly committed to helping people figure out how best to plan for the time when they pass away, ie. how best to carry out their wishes.  We have a lot of really neat clients and the staff at the firm is great.  To the question above, I suppose I do believe in providing people with the guidance to ensure that what they want done with estates is carried out after their passing.  Sometimes it gets weird and hateful and paranoid but in general most people just want to make it easier for their kids to figure out how to handle things and that feels good at the end of the day. 

In relation to my life, I am not doing enough and I think I'm settling.  I'd really like to donate more of my time to historical/cultural resource organizations and to people in need.  I'm having a hard time finding time (haha) because I work a very full full-time job, clean as a second job to get a bit of extra money, and try to spend the rest of my waking hours with my family.  I'm trying each year to find a little bit of extra time or money to get involved in things that make the world a better, happier place for me and for people elsewhere.  It's a struggle to think beyond me but I'm working on it.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I don't really know.  I think the question should be how would I have lived it differently because if I was only going to live 40 years, I'd be in the last quarter of my life at this point.  I probably would have reconsidered graduate school and put more money to travel.  I might also have considered marriage and kids earlier or not at all.  Perhaps the lesson learned from this question is that I would have wanted to travel more and that seems such a distant goal right now.

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Hmm, tough question.  I think it's been a joint venture between God and myself.  I've made the decisions -college, jobs, graduate school, marriage, moving - but when I've gotten myself into rough or gray areas, I absolutely cannot discount a little deus ex machina with a capital letter guiding me to the next step.  It's been the most amazing part of my life to watch how it unfolds, bidden or not.  :) 

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Absolutely the right things.  Sure, I'd like to get said right things right but I worry more about doing the appropriate/moral/respectable thing rather than doing whatever correctly. 

More to come!  :)  These are actually fun if I don't think too much about them.  haha

Relaxation in strange places

If I am good to my body and my mind, I get up at least 3-4 days a week and go to the gym before work.  I never thought I would be one of those early morning gym rats.  I thought I would loath showering and getting ready in a gym locker room.

I was wrong.

I LOVE getting ready at the gym.  There's no waiting for shower space, no jostling for mirror/counter space, no juggling dog and baby to make sure everyone is changed, walked, fed, and set while my hair dries strangely on my head.  I get ready in record time in relative silence.  Occasional footsteps, showers, and locker noises provide a nice buffer to the outside world.  I don't feel rushed and I'm always on time or early to work on days I go to the gym.

The downside to all of this is small but there.  It's so hard sometimes to get out of bed at 4:50 or 5am.  I miss seeing my baby girl in the morning but I pick her up from daycare and get to spend more time in the evening with her. 

This is a relatively pointless post but I was thinking in the shower on Monday that I am such a happier, more put-together person on days I can haul my butt out of bed and get to the gym.  Teh awesome.  ;)

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind: #1-5

**I tried posting this earlier and the damn thing crashed w/o any autosave so all was lost.  Let's pretend it was the greatest prose ever and now it's gone to the world. 

*moment of silence*

Okay, now on to what is merely a pale imitation of the inspirational prose I wrote earlier (and, I must reiterate, which is now lost to humanity):

I first saw these questions on the blog Dancing Brave which I've been reading for several years and I love.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

On my bad days, I always feel like I'm about 12 years old and people are going to discover that I'm posing as an adult and I'm going to get in big trouble.  Luckily, those days are few and far between.  Typically, I feel about 25.  Close enough to high school to remember but far enough away to thank my lucky stars.  I feel like I have so much potential ahead - bad knees and back be damned!

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Never trying, hands down.  If I had never tried graduate school, I wouldn't have met some of my best friends or married the love of my life.  I wouldn't have had Ella and I wouldn't have ended up 3000 miles away with a handful of awesome new friends and tons of new experiences.  Has it sucked?  Yep - it's sucking right now, in fact.  Was it worth it?  Totally.  Failing is terrible but staying inside with the covers over one's head is even worse.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Because life is short, not perfect.  Life is full of dentist appointments and waiting in lines and being kind when you really just want to kick someone in the teeth because we live in communities - constantly connected with people.  We can't always just go on vacation when it pleases us or stay home when we don't want to go to that meeting because we live connected with others.  We have to find a balance between what is best for us and for our herd.

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
Given the sheer volume of the words that come out of my mouth, I will have said more.  However, knowing that, I am always striving to do more - whether it's around the house, in the community, or for people further afield.

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
I would love to see more empathy for our fellow creatures.  Craig and I have talked a lot lately about the concept of the neighbor.  Jesus gave two commandments: Love God.  Love your neighbor.  Too often, we think of neighbors as those like us - the person we share a boundary line with, the person in the supermarket, the parent in the playgroup.  But it's  bigger than that.  It was bigger than that in 15AD and it's even bigger now.  We are so connected as a society and as a global civilization that it's a common truth that what we do here - what we buy, what we don't buy, what causes we support or disparage - affects things on a global scale.  Deliberation and thought should go into the choices we make because they affect our neighbors - be it down the street or in villages in China.  People argue constantly for political philosophies that allow humans half a  country or world away to be chewed up and spit out because the market willed it but they balk when they see it happen to their friends.  I wish more people would realize that the people at the mercy of others and of global forces are someone's friends and maybe a little perspective and empathy would go a long way toward care and love of neighbors the world over.

More questions to come!  :) 

NaBloPoMo Fail

Well, I tried and I failed.  The most important point is that I tried.  This month melted away faster than a snowflake on a tongue and has been a pretty demoralizing one.  I will make an effort in February to use NaBloPoMo to my advantage and get some inspiration to keep writing.  My husband reminds me all the time that I ought to post more. 

To that I say first, I'm trying and second, :-p

Holy Updates Batman!

In an attempt to try and change my perspective, I'm changing my blog.

When I started this blog, the hubbs and I were in a rather nebulous land of seminary call process/job hunting/random life things.  The Vonnegut quote "Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment.  There is no why," inspired the domain name and the title and spoke to me very deeply about our lives.  It wasn't about blame or frustration or anything - it just was and we were there to experience and perhaps not to understand.

Time flies when you're having fun and I've been blogging here for almost 2 years.  We've aged, moved, reproduced, and (aside from all that) changed an awful lot.  :-p  The last couple months have been very rough around our household because of some job stress.  I've been trying to think up ways to shake us out of our "Wow things really suck.  They were better when..." thinking because it's really just all rose-colored glasses and not productive.  I wanted a new way of thinking.  We're not just victims of circumstance.  There are reasons we're here, reasons we're at this place at this time.  Like Einstein said, God doesn't screw with the universe and there is something greater at work than a bunch of people promising a job they haven't really been able to support or fund and now thinking maybe they'll just be done with it all never mind we moved thousands of miles with the promise of a job and support that's really just been all rainbows, glitter, and fancy words. (Can you tell I'm really steamed/scared about this?)  That can't be the only reason we're here.  There is a plan.

So anyway, shitty job situation aside, we were also rebounding from illness and injury and feeling more than a little out of sorts.  I decided to start changing the way I think and react.  I can't control a bunch of people with their heads up their ass but I can control myself.  I made a promise on Sunday to be more proactive.  I've been to the gym.  I've tried hard to clean up right after I do something instead of trying to get back to it later.  Yeah, we still have a PILE of clothes in the cradle instead of put where they ought to be, but the dish pile is pretty much non-existent.  I've been reading more, praying more, eating better - all the good stuff - all in an effort to be a better me.

Today I signed onto my blogger account, knowing full well that I've failed mightily in the NaBloPoMo for the month but what evs.  The first thing I noticed was that the tone of the blog didn't match the new me.  I didn't want to be the person just waiting for whatever was going to happen.  I'm done just watching the days melt by without any big steps.

It's time for change.  Life is not about waiting for the world to happen to you and it is not about tearing through hitting all the key marks without understanding.  Life is about experience.  If I sit idily by, soon I'll be up to my elbows in lunchmeat sandwiches and tween drama wondering what happened to my baby girl and all the things I wanted to do.  It's time for me to be a more deliberate person.

To that effect, I've changed the domain name, the title, and the quote.  I'm teaching myself how to appreciate life so that I can both appreciate my family more and pass these lessons on to my daughter.  I've promised myself that 2011 is going to be a good year and this is one step on the path to fulfilling that promise.

A little fish taught me...

Just keep swimming...just keep swimming...just keep swimming*

*Image from Pixar's Finding Nemo  (Awesome movie!) :)

Prayer

My prayer life has been lacking as of late. I think about praying. I make entries on my "To Do" list to pray. I talk to Craig about it. I don't do it.

I've found myself angry at God over the past three weeks. Angry that we put faith (and money and time and heartbreak) into Him when we moved across the country for a job that is proving more and more to be built on sand (and rainbows and freaking glitter). Can you tell I'm angry?!

I had an epiphany today while working on next month's budget spreadsheet. It's an epiphany I've had more times in my adult life than I care to admit. Just when I think things are at their absolute worst - crappy of crappiest times - the silver threads gleam brightest. Things will be okay. It will work out some way or another. Maybe it won't be the way I would have wanted it and maybe it won't be the easiest/happiest/solid-rock-glitter-fest-iest way possibly but it'll still work out.

It's truly amazing and, dare I say it, a miracle, that things end up the way they do. We're losing a huge chunk of income just as we're paying out another huge chunk of money to Ella's daycare. We're going to have a ridiculously tight budget for a while and it wasn't until just about 10 minutes ago that I even had a hope that we could make it through February to see a slightly brighter March. It's calming in a way and I know that somewhere God is shaking his head and thinking, "I told you so. Just have faith."

I'm not implying all is well and my anger is gone and my prayer is found. I'm still struggling to let go of my anger and move forward rather than dwell on everything. We're not sure how this whole financial crisis will end. In all likelihood, things will get worse before they get better. BUT...and it's a big but, my tiny realization that we're not as bad off as I thought makes all of this easier to bear. It somehow makes me feel less forgotten on a cosmic scale. It makes me feel more inclined (for whatever reason) to sigh and say, "Okay God, I'm going to level with you..." rather than just steadfastly refusing to talk about what has been a bit more painful than I realized.

Here's to talking everything out...

Facebook and Friends

In trying to keep up with this blog post a day thing, I was mulling over the topic of "friends" today at work (while hobbling around like a chicken with a hurt back and her head cut off - haha). Facebook, at least for me, has revolutionized the concept of friends. It's allowed me to stay in contact and relatively up to date with friends scattered to the four winds. I've lived in the Midwest, West, South, and Northwest. I feel like I've lived everywhere - at least for a little while.

With FB I'm able to send quick messages of encouragement and praise for their weddings, babies, losses, and achievements. It's pretty cool actually. I keep up on what's going on in the life of my oldest friend (her mother babysat me when we were both under the age of 1), share work gossip with my newest friend and current coworker, and share baby pictures and info with my extended family in the Midwest.

FB may be too pervasive and a bit invasive but it's a convenient, easy way for me to share a picture of my new glasses with grad school friends, wish my great aunt a happy birthday, and share some grandbaby info with my mother-in-law and father at the same time. Love!

Baby = chill; Mommy = ball of nerves

Ella's first day of daycare was today.

She's had a number of babysitters ranging in age from 13 and 15 year old sisters to a lovely couple at church with grandkids not to far off in age from me. She's also been going to a wonderful babysitter with three kids of her own, one with the same birthday as Ella, for several months. We LOVED the babysitter and her kids but we needed some place that could watch Ella more and we couldn't ask her to do that and then offer to pay her next to nothing - it wouldn't have been fair to her. This place, when you break down hours, is a better deal.

It's a local church's daycare center. They have a center with little ones up to five or six and then they have another building with infant and toddler rooms. They're warm and caring and we know a number of people whose kids have gone there for an number of years. Craig even knows the pastor there. Nice guy. It's close to both of our jobs and flexible with hours.

None of this made me feel any better about leaving her there this morning. Luckily, she didn't cry so I didn't cry. That didn't make up for the restless night of sleep I had worrying over how she would react (well), whether they would pay attention to her (they doted on her), and how she would be when she came home (happy) but I suppose it's a mother's lot to worry at least a little. :)

She came home happy, fed, changed, and rested. She loves being around other little kids and watching/playing with them. In a perfect world I'd be able to stay at home with her but sadly this isn't a perfect world and we have massive student debt, ridiculous amounts of other debt, and we're facing some scary pay cuts because of poor leadership and transparency that leave much of the rest of the year under a dark cloud of question marks. So off to work Craig and I go and off to daycare Ella goes. I'm just so happy she's an outgoing, easygoing child. :)

Speaking of best friends...

When Brigid is gone, Pecan pines for her. It's kind of sweet.

Friends

Over at National Blog Posting Month the theme for January is "Friends." In an attempt to kick start my new year, I've decided to give blogging every day for a month a try. (I've been in a very serious mood of "New Opportunities! New Perspective! New Attitude! New Me!" on account of new glasses - just go with me on that - and I think this mood is coming out as dedication and committment - weird.)

I've been mulling over Friends Post #1 all day. Obvs, every post in January doesn't HAVE to be about friends but a bit of guidance, especially at first, never hurt anyone. I spent the day out and about with the fam and I quietly thought about how to begin. Do I talk about old friends? New friends? Crappy friends? Friends of friends? I settled upon "best friend" even though I *know* it'll make me sound crazy sappy.

My best friend is my husband. We are peas in a pod and it's kind of scary at times. Yeah, we bitch at each other at times and he can be so beyond exasperating at times but there isn't another soul out there who is more fun to spend time with - whether we're watching tv show marathons, cooking, or taking a trip. I'm pretty damn lucky to have him in my life. :)