36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
Sometimes.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
No. If I had a million dollars I'd pay off our student loans, credit cards, put some in savings for Ella's college, put some in savings for retirement, buy a home, and then give the rest to friends, family, and charity. I would, at that point, have taken care of our needs, debt, and that of others. I could work happily for the rest of my time knowing we were in the black, we had taken care of Ella, taken a huge leap at retirement planning, and helped people we could now continue to help by having disposable/savable/giveable income now that we were in the black. *sigh* A girl can dream.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
More work I love doing - hands down. Work can come in so many forms and whether it's working with clients or working with my own family to get things done around the house, I'd rather have purposeful and enjoyable work to do than a lot of time on my hands.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Sometimes but then I pick Ella up from daycare and it's anybody's guess and I love it!
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
I'm doing it now, baby! I believe we have a role in God's world and in God's plan and I'm trying like hell to hear that role. Craig and I are marching doggedly into uncertainty, all the while believing and hoping (and on bad days hoping with slivers of believing shining brightly) that we are where we are for a reason and for His purpose. I am facing down an application for state assistance to help feed, medically insure, and care for my child so that we can scrape by. If this isn't the darkness of the unknown, I don't know what is.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
On My Mind Often
Luke 22:41-42: He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." (NIV)
I recently heard a lesson on this verse while teaching Junior High Sunday School. We were watching a Nooma video by Rob Bell and the focus was on the concept that perhaps our focus shouldn't be on what we want God to do for us but what He wants us to do for Him and for others. I don't know if the kids really got it but the whole video had a huge impact on me.
Craig and I are at a point in our lives where we're constantly praying for things to change. Craig's job ends in two weeks. He's had a fair number of interviews but nothing's firmly on the horizon yet. He can't claim unemployment because churches, like non-profits, can opt out of paying unemployment taxes. However, unlike non-profits, churches are also exempt from reimbursing the state for claims paid to laid-off employees. We didn't know that when this whole thing started. We know now.
We like where we are. Craig liked the ministry he was involved in. As it stands, those things aren't matching up really well. I'm a bit gunshy now of church jobs and experiences because of how badly things went at times in his current job. (Point of fact, I am no longer worshiping there - I couldn't stick it out to the end because of how awful it made me feel every week to go to a place where no one seemed to notice if we were coming or going, no one seemed to care.) However, I long for a church to make friends, raise my kids, nurture myself. I am not giving up. I'm just...healing.
All of my focus and prayers have been about getting through and making things work as they are - here in our town, here with our friends. After hearing Rob's message on the video I was, truth be told, very reluctant to say the prayer I needed to say. Afraid to give up control and truly mean Your will and not mine. I've prayed it several times recently and now it seems to be my mantra. If it's God's will, there's a reason/purpose for it and everything will work out. My will, maybe not so much. It's scary and frustrating at times but I've been whispering it to myself today as I see more postings for places not close by that might be the perfect fit for Craig.
I don't know what is in our future but I know if we make the effort to listen, make the effort to be still long enough to listen, and follow what we hear, we will be okay.
I recently heard a lesson on this verse while teaching Junior High Sunday School. We were watching a Nooma video by Rob Bell and the focus was on the concept that perhaps our focus shouldn't be on what we want God to do for us but what He wants us to do for Him and for others. I don't know if the kids really got it but the whole video had a huge impact on me.
Craig and I are at a point in our lives where we're constantly praying for things to change. Craig's job ends in two weeks. He's had a fair number of interviews but nothing's firmly on the horizon yet. He can't claim unemployment because churches, like non-profits, can opt out of paying unemployment taxes. However, unlike non-profits, churches are also exempt from reimbursing the state for claims paid to laid-off employees. We didn't know that when this whole thing started. We know now.
We like where we are. Craig liked the ministry he was involved in. As it stands, those things aren't matching up really well. I'm a bit gunshy now of church jobs and experiences because of how badly things went at times in his current job. (Point of fact, I am no longer worshiping there - I couldn't stick it out to the end because of how awful it made me feel every week to go to a place where no one seemed to notice if we were coming or going, no one seemed to care.) However, I long for a church to make friends, raise my kids, nurture myself. I am not giving up. I'm just...healing.
All of my focus and prayers have been about getting through and making things work as they are - here in our town, here with our friends. After hearing Rob's message on the video I was, truth be told, very reluctant to say the prayer I needed to say. Afraid to give up control and truly mean Your will and not mine. I've prayed it several times recently and now it seems to be my mantra. If it's God's will, there's a reason/purpose for it and everything will work out. My will, maybe not so much. It's scary and frustrating at times but I've been whispering it to myself today as I see more postings for places not close by that might be the perfect fit for Craig.
I don't know what is in our future but I know if we make the effort to listen, make the effort to be still long enough to listen, and follow what we hear, we will be okay.
50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind: #31-35
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
I'd have to say it's always the present. I was very passionate about my studies and my life experiences during graduate school and I miss feeling that way now. I like my job well enough but I'm not passionate about it. However, I'm crazy passionate about my family and making my life where I'm living, so to speak. I love the area we live in. I love watching my daughter grow. I love evenings chatting about life with my husband. I miss the job aspect right now but life is a cycle and something will come around. I'm happier with what I have than what could have been.
32. If not now, then when?
See above. :)
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
What's it? Achieved what? I don't know if I'm atypical because I haven't plowed through life with a goal. I tend to approach things wondering what experiences I will get and what friends I can make along the way. Perhaps, in a sense, I'm achieving that goal all the time simply by living.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Yes. I have a handful of friends and family with whom I feel that connection. I'm such a talker that sometimes it's hard to find that experience but there are people I know will be that person for me if I or they need it.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Perhaps because religions are made up of humans and humans can be petty and vicious creatures? I don't really have an answer but the ideas and beliefs that people have, no matter how noble, cannot remove all traces of human-ness from their followers. We are not perfect and can damage the things that we devote ourselves too by our zealousness and unyielding qualities. Religion, politics, self-preservation (be it preservation of food for families or status through wealth or reputation) are things that people so closely identify with that they are sometimes willing to go to great and destructive lengths to protect what they view as themselves and their place in the world.
I'd have to say it's always the present. I was very passionate about my studies and my life experiences during graduate school and I miss feeling that way now. I like my job well enough but I'm not passionate about it. However, I'm crazy passionate about my family and making my life where I'm living, so to speak. I love the area we live in. I love watching my daughter grow. I love evenings chatting about life with my husband. I miss the job aspect right now but life is a cycle and something will come around. I'm happier with what I have than what could have been.
32. If not now, then when?
See above. :)
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
What's it? Achieved what? I don't know if I'm atypical because I haven't plowed through life with a goal. I tend to approach things wondering what experiences I will get and what friends I can make along the way. Perhaps, in a sense, I'm achieving that goal all the time simply by living.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Yes. I have a handful of friends and family with whom I feel that connection. I'm such a talker that sometimes it's hard to find that experience but there are people I know will be that person for me if I or they need it.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Perhaps because religions are made up of humans and humans can be petty and vicious creatures? I don't really have an answer but the ideas and beliefs that people have, no matter how noble, cannot remove all traces of human-ness from their followers. We are not perfect and can damage the things that we devote ourselves too by our zealousness and unyielding qualities. Religion, politics, self-preservation (be it preservation of food for families or status through wealth or reputation) are things that people so closely identify with that they are sometimes willing to go to great and destructive lengths to protect what they view as themselves and their place in the world.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Snapshot: Ella at 15 months!
As the grandmas like to remind me, I'm not that good at keeping the pictures of Ella showing up in their inboxes. Between the gym, work, family time, and keeping the house sort of picked up, I am short several hours each day. I'm going to try and do more posts like this just to keep up with my rapidly growing baby girl.
I left her this morning sitting on the couch, gnawing on an apple, and watching Sesame Street. It was adorable and it pretty much broke my heart. How did she get this big?!
Her favorite toys: Regulation-size football, Winne-the-Pooh ball, anything that makes noise, anything that she's not supposed to have that has buttons (phones, remotes, wiimotes, the tv), any of her monkeys which she refers to as babies most of the time
Her regular rotation vocabularly: baby, bubbles, bye-bye, daddy, cracker, shoes, mine, ball, book, quack-quack (which sounds more like "caw caw")
Her favorite words to hear: 1) "bye-bye" if she's going with you - she loves to get out and about. If you say it, put on her jacket and then dally too long, a major hissy ensues. 2) "bubbles" if it's time for bath. She LOVES bath time!
She loves to throw her ball around, all the while saying "ah...ah...choo" and then throwing it down. She adores her cat and her dog and anyone else's cat and dog. She clings to me every chance she gets which is lovely and frustrating, all at once. She is capitvated by music, loves to climb and bounce on the furniture, and loves tickle/cuddle time so long as no one involved is sitting still.
Brushing her teeth (all 12) is an ordeal. Utensils are still optional, and we're almost at the biggest of the sippy cups before an open cup. She knows crazy amounts - way more than she says - and she loves nothing more than letting out an ear piercing shriek when she doesn't get her way.
Life without her would be so boring.
I left her this morning sitting on the couch, gnawing on an apple, and watching Sesame Street. It was adorable and it pretty much broke my heart. How did she get this big?!
Her favorite toys: Regulation-size football, Winne-the-Pooh ball, anything that makes noise, anything that she's not supposed to have that has buttons (phones, remotes, wiimotes, the tv), any of her monkeys which she refers to as babies most of the time
Her regular rotation vocabularly: baby, bubbles, bye-bye, daddy, cracker, shoes, mine, ball, book, quack-quack (which sounds more like "caw caw")
Her favorite words to hear: 1) "bye-bye" if she's going with you - she loves to get out and about. If you say it, put on her jacket and then dally too long, a major hissy ensues. 2) "bubbles" if it's time for bath. She LOVES bath time!
She loves to throw her ball around, all the while saying "ah...ah...choo" and then throwing it down. She adores her cat and her dog and anyone else's cat and dog. She clings to me every chance she gets which is lovely and frustrating, all at once. She is capitvated by music, loves to climb and bounce on the furniture, and loves tickle/cuddle time so long as no one involved is sitting still.
Brushing her teeth (all 12) is an ordeal. Utensils are still optional, and we're almost at the biggest of the sippy cups before an open cup. She knows crazy amounts - way more than she says - and she loves nothing more than letting out an ear piercing shriek when she doesn't get her way.
Life without her would be so boring.
Pity Party: Table for One
There are days I would give anything to be able to stay at home with my daughter. Anything. Instead, I spend my time constantly apologizing/feeling guilty for working a job that sucks up all my time (and still I'm behind) and wishing with all my heart I had more time to spend with Ella.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
10 Kinds of Awesome
- Listening to my baby girl screech with laughter as she runs to the far side of the room, stops, smiles, bolts back, and jumps into my lap for tickles
- Smelling cool fresh air drifting in from the open window while lying in bed
- A new book from the library and a quiet hour or two in the evening to read
- Feeling totally badass leaving the gym before 7:30 in the morning after having an awesome hour plus work out with a friend
- Taking a few hours off work to go on a mini-date with the hubs
- The grateful pant of my dog after a walk or a trip to the dog park
- Counting down the days till a family vacay that should be full of laughter, good food, wine, and boundless attention and spoiling for Ella
- Shrugging off spiritual dead weight and preparing myself for new and changing experiences
- Watching my husband blow out a faux birthday candle while friends and friends of friends sang to him - ie the feeling of belonging
- Feeling my roots grow into a new are as I drive around freely, have favorite restaurants, parks, hang outs, and places that make me feel like home
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Fandom
In honor of NaBloPoMo, of which I only seem to participate in spats but hey, everyone needs a goal, this post is about those things of which I am a fan.
*deep breath* I am officially proclaiming myself a fan of:
*deep breath* I am officially proclaiming myself a fan of:
- The smell of freshly cut grass - heavenly!
- Everything Christmas - the songs, the cold air, the decorations, the hymns - love it!
- Ghostbusters - the finest movie ever made. Period.
- Reading magazines back to front while lying on my bed with my head at the foot and my feet at the top
- Ella chattering to herself as she plays
- Late night spent talking and drinking wine with my parents and brother
- Car trips with my husband
- Taking work off early on a sunny day to run errands and just feel free!
- Cheesy tv show marathons *coughghostwhisperercough*
- The way I feel after a really good work out at the gym
- Walking through the neighborhood with dog, baby, and husband
- Books - old, new, mine, borrowed, or from the library - I love them all!
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