At the airport

Ella takes a break in my arms before our flight to Indy. More on that later.

Slow Fade

"When you are sorrowful look again at your heart, and you shall see see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

~ Khalil Gibran

Meandering Thoughts

Today is Friday. Today is warm and sunny outside. Today the office is nearly empty with few employees and no client visits thus it is cleaning day/jeans day.



Today I want to be outside sitting on a blanket in the grass playing with my daughter, talking with my husband and therefore far away from my piles of paper and random work notes. I'm not upset that I'm here amid files and sticky notes and paperclips. I'm just having a bit of trouble reigning my thoughts in for the day. I start thinking, "Okay, what do I have to do next with this file?" and end up thinking, "I wonder how much a gym membership is...hmm, would I have time time to go? Is something close to the apartment? I have to get a better sports bra. I'd really like to go shopping. Ooh, a brown skirt. I need a brown skirt. I don't own many neutral colors. I wonder if my Mom would want to go shopping with me when I'm down in November. Hmm, visiting the parents in November...I need to work out more. I wonder how much a gym membership is... " and on and on down the circuitous rabbit hole that is my mind until I've found myself reading Wikipedia articles ranging from the WWII defeat of the British at Dunkirk to sorority histories while pulling up fall recipes online that sound yummy even when it's too hot to heat up the stove. :)

It's a wonder I get anything done on days like today. :p

The Reason Wednesdays are Wonderful

I have been lucky enough to get to spend every Wednesday with Ella due to some cutbacks at work. I love it! Sadly, I go back to full time in September so I only have a few more Wednesdays left to spend chattering, cooing, and goofing around with Peanut here. Here's to making the most of it!

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Clergy as Entertainers

A friend posted a link on Facebook to an Op-Ed piece from the New York Times called "Congregations Gone Wild" that talks about clergy burnout. Being married to a man who went through seminary and currently works in a church and friends with a good number of ordained ministers, this article seemed relevant.

The author, G. Jeffrey MacDonald, talks about the growing expectation that parishioners have that church ought to be a place where they are made to feel validated, be it politically, emotionally, or physically though rarely spiritually. They want slide shows and rock bands but they don't want hard truths or unanswered questions or contemplative silence.

It's more than a bit depressing to think about the scores of people who expect religion to be entertainment rather than something deeper. It shouldn't be the pastor who has the biggest budget, the best suits, the most neutral sermons, and the flashiest shows who brings in the most people.

I thought for a long time that maybe I just wasn't "getting" church because the church functions I attended with friends in high school and early college left me cold. Altar calls, superficial (and poorly written) praise music, and judgement flung about at those standing apart from the herd were all I saw and they made me feel uncomfortable and icky. I didn't know why. I still felt a desire to worship somewhere, to read and learn about God and the history (cultural/political/spiritual) of man in relation to God but I couldn't figure out how to do that in a way that felt appropriate.

It wasn't until I began dating Craig that it finally clicked. For the first time in my life I found someone who was a Christian but who could speak intelligently about it. We could sit down and have a discussion about religion. I could ask, bait, pester and, for the most part, he could keep up. :) He showed me that a person can engage on an intellectual level with religion, still harbor doubts, and come away the better for it. And the best part - he didn't need the flash.

Don't get me wrong - Craig loves his fancy high church stuff but that wasn't what was important. He didn't fall back on the surface stuff to get him through. It was so freeing to attend church with him and hear sermons which messages based on the readings at hand and giving guidance and information. It wasn't the weird affirmation gospel that I had encountered in high school. There weren't projectors showing us pictures in lieu of words and there weren't painfully hip people scattered conveniently through the crowd smiling so much their faces hurt.

So often I've had discussions with people who want church to be a place to give everyone warm fuzzies, to make everyone who enters comfortable. I do believe that churches need to meet the people where they are but it shouldn't stop there. MacDonald in his article points out that this constant attempt to come up with the new, the pleasing, the happy is exhausting. It's exhausting because life isn't always kittens pooping rainbows and church isn't the band-aid. The world is broken and the church, being of the world while looking elsewhere, is as well. If you strive to make everyone happy/comfortable/entertained you become diluted and eventually you give up.

I started this post solely to link to a thought-provoking article that seemed relevant to a number of my friends but I've obviously wandered down the rabbit hole that is my relationship with organized religion. I know I come to the table of the church universal from a unique perspective. I am a historian and I feel the pull of the traditional - ie hymnals instead of Powerpoint, hymns instead of insipid songs of the category (as a friend described) "Jesus is my bearded boyfriend", reflection and sacredness, repetition in service, etc. I am, after all, the girl who had "put asunder" used in our wedding vows in lieu of the newer phrasing because it's a great descriptive phrase that should be used more often. :) I also come to the table firmly in the camp of women's rights, gay rights, universal healthcare, education for all, and all the rest of those touchy-feely left leaning tendencies that cause my extended family and Craig's to silently cringe (which is ironic because I think my religious tendencies cause my immediate family to cringe - haha). I'm a contradiction and I'm okay with that. When I pray, read the bible, talk to God on a walk, or attend church I'm looking to connect with the past, the present, and the forever all at once.

Wise (and sucky) Decisions

Craig and I had "a grown up conversation" last night about life and finances and what's best for us and the consensus is we're staying in our apartment for at least 6 more months.

We've always been the couple to decide we need something and then tweak and twist things to make it so in the time frame or the price range that we need - budget and comfort be damned! Sometimes it works out: our marriage, Ella, moving across the country. Sometimes it has a bit more pain in the ass consequences: our newer furniture (which we're still paying off), our fancy phones (which we love but that are pricier). In that vein, we want to be in a new place and we want it yesterday. We could make a move work and while we'd be happy with a new place (obscenely happy to some extent), it'd end up just making us poorer and more stressed in the long run.

*sigh*

In light of all that intelligent, rational thinking (pfft), we've decided that it's smarter to stay where we are, pay off some debt, save up some money, and look for something in the spring once we're a bit more stable. We're also both hoping (but not counting on) a bit more income by that time so waiting will give us a chance to know our finances a little bit better.

It sucks that we're stuck in a complex that's dirty, ghetto, and slightly dangerous with an apartment that's beyond tiny, doesn't have window screens, and has a crappy door. However, the silver lining includes the fact that the apartment is solidly built, maintenance is fast and friendly, we're close friends and a nice park, and this will be the first time since 2007 that we haven't packed up and moved one year after arriving. hehe It's a dingy silver lining but there it is. :)

Being a responsible grown up stinks. :p

Blogging from my phone

I'm just testing a new app I have. What better way to test than to include a pic of our household besties, Brigid and Pecan, chillin' together.

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Month Five is Nigh And Everyone's Still Alive

In the coming weeks and months, I'm going to try and make this blog a bit more of a priority. I've been so busy keeping records of my life elsewhere (baby book, calendar, mini-journal, Picasa, etc) that I haven't kept up here.

The basic updates: Ella is the most awesome baby ever! No bias here...nope, none at all. hehe She'll be 5 months old next Thursday...which is NUTS! She rolls all over the place, can sit supported by her hands for pretty decent periods of time, and has been eating cereal for almost 3 weeks. She loves the cat and dog and lunges forward anytime the dog is nearby so she can put her hands in Brigid's fur and pet her. Brigid has been wonderful and will turn her head and lay down so Ella can touch her and love her without Brigid getting poked in the eye or something. Pecan still has little interest in the baby but will rub up against her hand if Ella's holding out hers when we're holding out ours.

We've tried as much as possible to continue our lives and add Ella in, rather than stop everything and just sit around watching her. She's become quite the traveler and there's only more on the way. So far this year, Ella's travels have included:

• Up into the mountains to the outlet mall with her Aunt Allie and her parents. She was little enough then that she just slept through the whole thing.
• Into Pike Place Market with Aunt Allie and her parents. She snoozed in her carrier the whole time - it was glorious! :D
• Jimi Hendrix's grave with her Uncle Steve, Deb, and parents. Easy enough to point out it was her mom's idea to visit a graveyard with a 7 week old. hehe
• A trip on the Light Rail into the city. She just watched the world swirl past her while hanging out in her stroller.
• A trip from Westlake Center Mall to Seattle Center on a monorail put in place during the Seattle World's Fair. Ella was rather blase about the whole affair but her mom was uber-geeked out by the history/architecture of the recent past. :D
• The Northwest Folklife Festival at the Seattle Center. Full of music, food, and hippies...it was awesome!
• Many miles of walks with Deb and her mom around the area - into parks, around neighborhoods to judge people on their lawns and homes, etc.
• Again into Pike Place Market with her great-grandparents and parents. This time she was awake enough to be alternately fascinated with all that there was to see and cranky/tired/hungry that things weren't revolving around her.
• Out to a restaurant with the great-grandparents. We thought she'd be a monster but she was so tuckered out from Pike Place she slept the whole time.
• Up into the mountains for 4th of July with the Willsons, the Sorensens, a horse, several dogs, and a brood of chickens. It was in the 50s, drizzly, and at times chilly enough to see our breath but totally worth it! Ella sat on a horse (with much assistance and caution, of course), took a mondo nap, and was a trooper around fireworks. So. Much. Fun. :)
• Northwest Trek animal park with Grammie Penny and her parents. This is officially the coolest place ever! It has animals native to the Pacific Northwest and they were all out that day (save for the bobcat who was in hiding somewhere). We saw bison, elk, big cats, a beaver, grizzly bears, lots of other things, and...a moose! Ella didn't really care about the animals too much but the beaver and otter both caught her eye because they were so close and so needy for attention. The beaver kept swimming up to the glass, pausing with his paw on the glass, and then performing a backflip and returning to the glass for his admirers. Too cute!

As you can see, she's been a busy girl for the last few months. The rest of the year is shaping up to be equally busy! Grandma Sheryl and Grandpap Geno are visiting in late August. Ella's going to start spending time with other little ones when she goes to someone's house 2xs a week for playdates/babysitting. Dad and Ella are spending a long weekend along together while I travel to Dallas for a wedding. The whole family is flying to South Carolina for a wedding in November and then flying two weeks after that to California to spend Thanksgiving with family. Whew! Craziness! Add to that a fundraiser for Craig's youth that I'm helping with in September, a 5k walk at Northwest Trek I'm doing (also) in September, potentially a walk/fundraiser (again also) in September, and *fingers crossed* a move out of our tiny apartment into something a bit bigger (also) in September.

I have also decided that I am going to make Christmas stockings for our family this year. This should prove to be interesting because I have minimal (at best) knowledge of all things craft-y but I'm not planning to get uber-complicated but rather to make basic stockings for the five of us (yes the animals are getting stockings as well - I'll probably do my practice runs on theirs) that match and will look nice if (oh please, oh please, oh please) we have a mantel come Christmas. hehe

This post was a tad longer that I anticipated but I needed to catch up. I am going to try very hard to post more often. It's just very hard to find time between the work, play, and, routine to sit on the computer and post to friends/family the minutiae of our lives.