How did this happen?

Six Month Photo Shoot at Sears

Bathtime last night

These pictures of the Monster are roughly one year apart.  Where has the time gone?

Ella-isms

"Battheball.  Battheball. Battheball."  - Said while retrieving her toy bat and smacking pretty much anything - ball, dog, stacking blocks, etc.
"Mommy, up.  Peeease.  Up.  Peease." - Repeated over and over to me in the event I have the audacity to lay down on the floor with a pillow while she is around.  Mommies should be up and out of her way, darn it!
"Uh-oh, Teevee." - Said anytime the tv is not doing what she thinks it ought to be doing - too quiet, off, on, muted, paused.

And my favorite phrase of the day:

"Sorry, baby." - Said in a very matter-of-fact way with a pause in between the two words.  It cracks me up every time.

Snapshot: Ella at 15 months!

As the grandmas like to remind me, I'm not that good at keeping the pictures of Ella showing up in their inboxes.  Between the gym, work, family time, and keeping the house sort of picked up, I am short several hours each day.  I'm going to try and do more posts like this just to keep up with my rapidly growing baby girl.

I left her this morning sitting on the couch, gnawing on an apple, and watching Sesame Street.  It was adorable and it pretty much broke my heart.  How did she get this big?!

Her favorite toys:  Regulation-size football, Winne-the-Pooh ball, anything that makes noise, anything that she's not supposed to have that has buttons (phones, remotes, wiimotes, the tv), any of her monkeys which she refers to as babies most of the time

Her regular rotation vocabularly:  baby, bubbles, bye-bye, daddy, cracker, shoes, mine, ball, book, quack-quack (which sounds more like "caw caw")

Her favorite words to hear:  1) "bye-bye" if she's going with you - she loves to get out and about.  If you say it, put on her jacket and then dally too long, a major hissy ensues. 2) "bubbles" if it's time for bath.  She LOVES bath time!

She loves to throw her ball around, all the while saying "ah...ah...choo" and then throwing it down.  She adores her cat and her dog and anyone else's cat and dog.  She clings to me every chance she gets which is lovely and frustrating, all at once.  She is capitvated by music, loves to climb and bounce on the furniture, and loves tickle/cuddle time so long as no one involved is sitting still. 

Brushing her teeth (all 12) is an ordeal.  Utensils are still optional, and we're almost at the biggest of the sippy cups before an open cup.  She knows crazy amounts - way more than she says - and she loves nothing more than letting out an ear piercing shriek when she doesn't get her way.

Life without her would be so boring.

Because I mostly ramble about myself...

I'm posting a couple pictures of the adorable monster living in my home in an attempt to balance the narcissim of this supposedly family blog.

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Baby = chill; Mommy = ball of nerves

Ella's first day of daycare was today.

She's had a number of babysitters ranging in age from 13 and 15 year old sisters to a lovely couple at church with grandkids not to far off in age from me. She's also been going to a wonderful babysitter with three kids of her own, one with the same birthday as Ella, for several months. We LOVED the babysitter and her kids but we needed some place that could watch Ella more and we couldn't ask her to do that and then offer to pay her next to nothing - it wouldn't have been fair to her. This place, when you break down hours, is a better deal.

It's a local church's daycare center. They have a center with little ones up to five or six and then they have another building with infant and toddler rooms. They're warm and caring and we know a number of people whose kids have gone there for an number of years. Craig even knows the pastor there. Nice guy. It's close to both of our jobs and flexible with hours.

None of this made me feel any better about leaving her there this morning. Luckily, she didn't cry so I didn't cry. That didn't make up for the restless night of sleep I had worrying over how she would react (well), whether they would pay attention to her (they doted on her), and how she would be when she came home (happy) but I suppose it's a mother's lot to worry at least a little. :)

She came home happy, fed, changed, and rested. She loves being around other little kids and watching/playing with them. In a perfect world I'd be able to stay at home with her but sadly this isn't a perfect world and we have massive student debt, ridiculous amounts of other debt, and we're facing some scary pay cuts because of poor leadership and transparency that leave much of the rest of the year under a dark cloud of question marks. So off to work Craig and I go and off to daycare Ella goes. I'm just so happy she's an outgoing, easygoing child. :)

Pretty much the cutest thing ever!

5 months old and a happy, happy girl

The Reason Wednesdays are Wonderful

I have been lucky enough to get to spend every Wednesday with Ella due to some cutbacks at work. I love it! Sadly, I go back to full time in September so I only have a few more Wednesdays left to spend chattering, cooing, and goofing around with Peanut here. Here's to making the most of it!

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Month Five is Nigh And Everyone's Still Alive

In the coming weeks and months, I'm going to try and make this blog a bit more of a priority. I've been so busy keeping records of my life elsewhere (baby book, calendar, mini-journal, Picasa, etc) that I haven't kept up here.

The basic updates: Ella is the most awesome baby ever! No bias here...nope, none at all. hehe She'll be 5 months old next Thursday...which is NUTS! She rolls all over the place, can sit supported by her hands for pretty decent periods of time, and has been eating cereal for almost 3 weeks. She loves the cat and dog and lunges forward anytime the dog is nearby so she can put her hands in Brigid's fur and pet her. Brigid has been wonderful and will turn her head and lay down so Ella can touch her and love her without Brigid getting poked in the eye or something. Pecan still has little interest in the baby but will rub up against her hand if Ella's holding out hers when we're holding out ours.

We've tried as much as possible to continue our lives and add Ella in, rather than stop everything and just sit around watching her. She's become quite the traveler and there's only more on the way. So far this year, Ella's travels have included:

• Up into the mountains to the outlet mall with her Aunt Allie and her parents. She was little enough then that she just slept through the whole thing.
• Into Pike Place Market with Aunt Allie and her parents. She snoozed in her carrier the whole time - it was glorious! :D
• Jimi Hendrix's grave with her Uncle Steve, Deb, and parents. Easy enough to point out it was her mom's idea to visit a graveyard with a 7 week old. hehe
• A trip on the Light Rail into the city. She just watched the world swirl past her while hanging out in her stroller.
• A trip from Westlake Center Mall to Seattle Center on a monorail put in place during the Seattle World's Fair. Ella was rather blase about the whole affair but her mom was uber-geeked out by the history/architecture of the recent past. :D
• The Northwest Folklife Festival at the Seattle Center. Full of music, food, and hippies...it was awesome!
• Many miles of walks with Deb and her mom around the area - into parks, around neighborhoods to judge people on their lawns and homes, etc.
• Again into Pike Place Market with her great-grandparents and parents. This time she was awake enough to be alternately fascinated with all that there was to see and cranky/tired/hungry that things weren't revolving around her.
• Out to a restaurant with the great-grandparents. We thought she'd be a monster but she was so tuckered out from Pike Place she slept the whole time.
• Up into the mountains for 4th of July with the Willsons, the Sorensens, a horse, several dogs, and a brood of chickens. It was in the 50s, drizzly, and at times chilly enough to see our breath but totally worth it! Ella sat on a horse (with much assistance and caution, of course), took a mondo nap, and was a trooper around fireworks. So. Much. Fun. :)
• Northwest Trek animal park with Grammie Penny and her parents. This is officially the coolest place ever! It has animals native to the Pacific Northwest and they were all out that day (save for the bobcat who was in hiding somewhere). We saw bison, elk, big cats, a beaver, grizzly bears, lots of other things, and...a moose! Ella didn't really care about the animals too much but the beaver and otter both caught her eye because they were so close and so needy for attention. The beaver kept swimming up to the glass, pausing with his paw on the glass, and then performing a backflip and returning to the glass for his admirers. Too cute!

As you can see, she's been a busy girl for the last few months. The rest of the year is shaping up to be equally busy! Grandma Sheryl and Grandpap Geno are visiting in late August. Ella's going to start spending time with other little ones when she goes to someone's house 2xs a week for playdates/babysitting. Dad and Ella are spending a long weekend along together while I travel to Dallas for a wedding. The whole family is flying to South Carolina for a wedding in November and then flying two weeks after that to California to spend Thanksgiving with family. Whew! Craziness! Add to that a fundraiser for Craig's youth that I'm helping with in September, a 5k walk at Northwest Trek I'm doing (also) in September, potentially a walk/fundraiser (again also) in September, and *fingers crossed* a move out of our tiny apartment into something a bit bigger (also) in September.

I have also decided that I am going to make Christmas stockings for our family this year. This should prove to be interesting because I have minimal (at best) knowledge of all things craft-y but I'm not planning to get uber-complicated but rather to make basic stockings for the five of us (yes the animals are getting stockings as well - I'll probably do my practice runs on theirs) that match and will look nice if (oh please, oh please, oh please) we have a mantel come Christmas. hehe

This post was a tad longer that I anticipated but I needed to catch up. I am going to try very hard to post more often. It's just very hard to find time between the work, play, and, routine to sit on the computer and post to friends/family the minutiae of our lives.

Life Shift

I'm a mom.

. . .

Yep, still feels weird to write, even though it's been a month since our bundle of joy (and screams, dirty diapers, and midnight feedings) arrived. I haven't posted anything in quite a while and I keep telling myself I'll get around to writing about my new job, the delivery of my child, and those first few weeks at home but I've come to realize that I can't just hold off posting until I have time for all that or it'll be 18 years from now and I'll be writing a post the size of War and Peace.

I'm still coming to terms with everything motherhood has to offer. I love that I have this tiny little creature with part of my DNA who knows my smell and my voice and (soon) my face. I love that there are times she looks so much like me that it's scary and then the light shifts and she's a carbon copy of her dad. Love! I love the quiet times we spend when I'm nursing her. I love taking walks with Craig and Brigid and having her strapped to me in a carrier, sound asleep.

However, there are a lot of things that I really (REALLY) don't like. I hate that I have lost my freedom to a large degree. This tiny person depends completely on me and I can't do what I want anymore without an inordinate amount of planning prior. I can't just go get my haircut on any given Saturday without a plan between Craig and I. Heck, I can't even go to the bathroom without making sure she's safe and secure for five minutes while I'm occupied and Craig is at work. It's incredibly taxing. I hate the fussing and crying that I can't do anything about. I hate that I feel trapped at times by this tiny person who keeps me up late, wakes me up throughout the night, cries and can't tell me why, and needs me 24/7. It's exhilarating and exhausting, all at once.

There are days, well parts of days really, where I feel totally on. I feel like I have a handle on everything. I feel happy. And then there are days, ie the rest of the time, where I feel like I'm barely hanging on. It's like Craig and I are finally learning how to be adults. We're forced to be vigilant about organization, laundry, dishes, trash because if we don't we'd be buried under mounds of dirty clothes, wading through bags of trash not yet taken out, and eating on paper plates because we'd fallen behind just a little bit. There are times I feel like I can nurse the baby no problem and then there are days she screams like I have poison issuing from my body. It's two steps forward, one step back in figuring everything out. We're getting there slowly but surely.

Thank goodness for my mother! Without her common sense and honesty I would feel completely unprepared and horrible at this motherhood thing. She spent the first two and a half weeks with us making sure we ate, slept, and showered. She forced me to stay hydrated and get rest. She cooked and held the baby when she was fussy. My mom also shared with me that she felt like I did for the first few months - that it kind of sucks. The nights are long, the bond is still forming, the diapers are daunting, and the nursing is constant. She hasn't judged me when I've talked. She's just listened and shared. I've always loved my mother but we haven't always gotten along. The high school years, as with most mothers and daughters, were rough. We grew closer through college and beyond. This time, while hard on infinite levels, has been a blessing because I've gotten to know my mother better than I ever expected and I am so appreciative!

Overall, this motherhood thing is a crazy ride and we're only four weeks into it. I'll try to post more when I can find the time. Craig and I are scrambling to figure out what's worth holding onto from our "previous" lives and what can be let go. TV is dwindling, date nights are in the distant future, etc. I'd like to keep this blog going to mark our milestones as a new and growing family. We shall see. :)

Babies, breathing, and hospital rooms

Our first childbirth/prenatal class is over. It was better than expected though equally unnerving. We were one of twelve or thirteen other couples, all fairly close in pregnancy progression. The class lasted 2 1/2 hours. Luckily snacks were provided! :)

The first hour was fairly boring as the lady leading it just talked about pregnancy advice and concerns which would have been great were I not already 30 weeks preggo and already familiar with everything. :)

After a quick break, we were taken on a tour of the childbirth center. That was very cool! They have two family areas to have people sit and wait. They have two OR rooms for C-sections. The private rooms where you labor and stay are pretty nice by hospital standards. They're warmer in color, come equipped with a two person hot tub for labor help, and bed/window seat for the spouse/partner should they stay. The baby stays in the room with you the whole time as well, assuming there aren't any complications. Pretty swanky.

Hospitals in general make me feel slightly uneasy. No matter the veneer, it's always very clinical and odd underneath. Thank goodness Craig is comfortable in a hospital setting as his mom's a nurse and he's been injured and/or sick and admitted a not insignificant amount of times. He's also an incredibly supportive husband who deals well with my unease. He'll be an awesome support person!

After the tour we watched a portion of a video showing two different women giving birth. Actually giving birth. One was completely natural and the other had painkillers but not an epidural. It was alternatingly horrifying and fascinating. Had I been in my own home, I would have cried (like a baby, in fact) each time the child was born. It was an amazing sight, tempered only by the fact that a tiny voice in the back of my head was crying out, "Pain! Lots of pain and that's going to be you in just a short time!" hehe

We ended the first class with some breathing exercises. I don't expect to remember all of it and be so calm during the actual labor and delivery but it was nice to have done something to draw upon when the time comes. I'm the kind of person who needs those reference points, if only to decide they don't work for me.

I'm looking forward to our next class and to learning a bit more. I'm REALLY looking forward to actually giving birth to our little girl and finally meeting her. Given her insistent kicking and rolling over, especially when my posture's not so hot, gives me reason to think she's a bit of a firebrand! :)

Blog bloggity blog

In an effort to keep myself focused and a bit more aware of time and the like, I've signed myself up for NaBloPoMo, aka National Blog Posting Month! It's a take-off of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) that's widened from one month of hectic daily blogging to a year of hectic daily blogging.

I created a profile on there and hope it will keep me focused enough to try and blog a bit more often. The site is interested and once I make a full month of posts, I can enter myself into a prize raffle and/or a blog role should I choose. There are also monthly themes and posting ideas to help those of us with writer's block churn out postings. And thus, I am actually on this blog two days in a row. Craziness! :)

The theme for January is "BEST" which makes a lot of sense. People come into the new year with the mental image of a clean slate. Gyms fill with the fitness-hopeful, closets and pantries are cleaned out, lists are made and so on all in the hopes of bettering ourselves. My post from yesterday is just such an example. January is the universally accepted month for taking stock of one's life and attempting to tweak, stretch, and pull one's self into something better.

I've made my list, as yesterday's post proves, and now I'm working toward my goals. I sat down this evening and jotted notes to myself for tomorrow. A "to do" list, a "to call" list, a "to measure/to look up/to think about" and so on. I don't work tomorrow so I have a bit of time on my hands to be productive. I do have to take the cats to the vet (that should be an adventure) and I start a spiritual gifts class at church in the evening but I plan on spending the rest of my day on my "To..." lists.

Can you tell I'm big on lists?! They help me remain focused when my eye wanders ("Ooh - pretty! Shiny!") and they also help me visualize what I've completed. While not exactly a gold star, it works.

I plan to make January (and the rest of the year) a journey to my BEST through lists and constant stops to refocus and rethink. I sound a bit cheesy but the knowledge of having a little person entering this work in less than 3 months and depending solely on myself and my husband is amazingly transformative (for the better and maybe the cheesier, I think). :)

Perspective

I think I said it best a few weeks ago on Facebook when I stated that I alternate feeling awash in and strained for time. Time seems to drag on for days and then in the blink of an eye weeks have vanished. I attribute this phenomenon to two things:

1. My lack of a consistent job and therefore a consistent schedule. Without structure, I find myself sort of floating around.
2. The gloomy skies here most days and the difference in how long the sun stays up. We're so much further north than where we were that we have less sunlight. That coupled with the fact that most of the time the sunlight's covered over by clouds or rain leaves me feeling always a little bit off as to what time it is.

All of that being said, I have decided I do not enjoy this nebulous time that I have found myself in. I need structure and goals and because there is no one to give that to me, I will have to create my own.

It's 2010. I'll be a mother in 2 1/2 months, married for 3 years by summer, in two of my closest friends' weddings this fall, and 30 before we ring in 2011. It's a big year and I want to make the most of it - or at least make a grasping attempt to control it before it zips by me in a blur of diapers, tears, laughter, and bills.

Emotionally overwrought (thanks preggo hormones) and stressed by finances and new situations, I had a bit of a panic attack last night. Fortunately Craig was there and able to talk me down, as it were. He listened, gave hugs, and asked questions to help me sort out what I was worried about - baby or job or money or loneliness. Thank goodness we usually alternate having bad/weak days. I don't know what we'd do if we both broke down on the same day! :) We talked for a quite a while, watched a funny movie from Netflix for a bit of an escape, and I came out the other end feeling quite a bit calmer about life.

Later that night I laid in bed for a little while with a blank notebook and just made lists and notes of the various things I think might be important or worth completing this year. It was an attempt to get my head around the changes happening in our household and what I can/should do about them. I didn't come up with resolutions so much as ways to redefine how I view myself and interact with the world - perspective shifts, I guess. Some old standards are on there and some new ones.

Perspectives and Goals for 2010

1. Be the best mom I can be.

This is a BIG year for me with this one. I will be holding (and changing and soothing and nursing and entertaining) a tiny little girl, MY tiny little girl, in just a few months and I feel SO unprepared. There are moments when I think, "I can totally do this!" and moments where the realization that I don't know the "right" diaper bag that would best benefit baby and me leaves me in tears and with doubts. Luckily, our little girl is coming whether I'm ready or not and I know in my heart that I'll be able to provide her with what she needs.

2. Getting healthy/fit

Ahh - my old standby. Health, fitness, weight loss...gotta love it. However, I find myself at a much different place with this perspective/goal this year than in years past. I now have to build back stamina to keep up with a little one. My body's been stretching/shifting/changing to help her grow and I'm going to have to fight an already uphill battle to get it into any semblance of "shape" after she arrives.

Pregnancy has made me realize I miss working out (to a degree). I've been walking and doing stretches while preggo but I haven't been hitting the elliptical or doing anything really hard and I miss being able to put on loud, angry music and sweating away a worry or an argument or a crappy day. I'd like to get back to that place.

And the final, and vanity-driven, reasons for getting fit - wedding, wedding, birthday. I am in two weddings this fall and I'd really (REALLY) like to look decent for them for the happy couples and for myself. I'm also going to be 30 this year (Gah!) and I'm at a place right now where most all that I pictured for myself at 30 is falling into place - married, kids, dog, cat(s). The owning our own house is not going to happen. Having a job I like and a body I like are my two things to work on!

3. Finish What I Start

I'm a quitter. I start things and get distracted or bored or hit a snag and quit. This is a year where I'm going to work to change that. I've got scrapbooking projects, writing projects, sewing aspirations (I'm not even at the project level yet), gift ideas, cooking projects, baby projects and I'm not doing with anything yet. This is my year to teach myself how to keep moving, keep going. I want to set a good example for my daughter.

4. Try New Things

Few people would argue that I'm introverted. I'm chatty and outgoing and I love being around people. It's the worst when Craig leaves for work and I have nothing on my plate for the day. I know no one and I have the worst anxiety about going somewhere by myself. Let me clarify. I love going shopping by myself, taking drives by myself, going to the movies alone, etc. I don't like going to group settings where I don't know anyone. I may be outgoing but it takes me a while to get comfortable enough in a setting to be my chatty self. That being said, I'm going to take this year to work on getting out and joining. Sewing classes, book clubs, Mommy and Me classes, volunteer opportunities, etc. It's time to step out of my comfort zone and meet some people. Otherwise, I'll never make any friends!

So there you have it - my perspective-giving list of the things I'd like to focus on this year to better myself. It's a few days late and a product of new-parent anxiety and new-location loneliness but it's a good list nonetheless.

Happy New Year!

Now if only we had a little more furniture...

Our apartment is cramped. It's cute and cozy but to be perfectly honest it's cramped. We have four full bookshelves, two full built in book shelves, two beds, two dressers, a sofa with a chaise lounge, a recliner, a small desk, a desk chair, a coffee table, a nook for shoes, two dvd cases, the tv and tv stand, four bookshelves serving as pantry storage, and a dining room table and chairs. We also have various boxes and items sitting around because there's no storage space left to shove them. hehe Whew!

And now we have a crib and a cradle and I couldn't be happier! :) My parents visited over the week of Thanksgiving and they brought one of the two beds we now have set up, the cradle, and 9 boxes of my books from home. hehe The bed was mine as a child and will serve nicely as a guest bed for people coming to visit. The cradle was made by my grandpa for me when I was an infant and it's now going to be used for our little one when she makes her arrival. While they were here they bought us a crib and mattress from Ikea and helped us build it and situate it in our room. It's beautiful. Natural wood, simple design - perfect! Once we have a bigger place, the plan is to give the baby her own room and move all of our dining room storage shelving into her room as bookshelves and storage. The stuff in the dining room is dark brown-black and will be a nice contrast to the light crib.

My mom, being the crafty woman that she is, not only arrived with a knitted baby blanket, a hand-quilted baby blanket from scraps of a quilt she made my brother and a quilt she made Craig and I, and a quilt front of nursery rhymes she's going to finish and give to the baby, but she's also said she'll make me my own crib set so that I can have the colors I want instead of the stuff we've found. How awesome is that?!

Craig and I ran into a slight problem while looking for crib bedding. The problem is that Craig wants monkeys for our bedding and I want the colors green, purple, and brown. Those are fairly hard to find together. I can find green and brown and green and purple but not together - at least not without something like butterflys all over it or whatever. Sooo - my mom and I picked out a green fabric and a purple fabric that she's going to use as a back and front to a simple quilt. She's going to use a monkey face I found as a template to put on the green side of the quilt, thereby getting both monkeys and the colors I want and then she'll use the same purple fabric for a skirt. We also found a nice white with little purple flowers to use as the cover for a crib bumper. I can buy the fitted sheets in green, purple, and this really cute monkeys and brown polka dots and we're good to go! There's a wooden wall hanging of a monkey face similar to what will be on the blanket that I'm going to put up on the wall next to either the baby's name or some saying in brown and purple lettering. That's my current plan for the baby's crib space, etc. As you can see, the nesting has begun. :)

All of my mom's generosity and craftiness has gotten me thinking about crafting. I can cross stitch (but then again, a monkey could cross stitch - it's not exactly complicated) and I've been attempting lazily to learn how to knit for some time. I've never really sewed, at least not in earnest, although I've always thought about it. I value the items my mom has made for me so much - graduation quilt, wedding quilt, scarves, wall hangings, etc - and I'd really like to be able to do the same thing for my little girl. I think I want to learn to do more than just cross stitch. As much as I love it and find it relaxing, I also recognize that cross stitch art/craft is pretty tacky outside of the occasional holiday decoration or simple piece. Sewing and knitting have a little more versatility. I'm perusing sewing machines now in hopes of finding something cheap and efficient to start out on. I'm also thinking classes would introduce me to people in the community and since I know almost no one here, that would be a good thing! :)

Baby kicks

It's official - our bean is a kicker. She's been doing it for quite a while now but I felt it on the outside for the first time on Tuesday. Craig felt it on Wednesday. She's very fond of kicking in the belly button area. :) Lots of movement around eating and drinking times. She's quiet when I'm up and moving and quiet (so far) at night.

It's a brief update but I had to make a note. We get a big kick out of her little kicks! :)

And for the really big news...

and the final announcement/post for the day...

We're having a baby girl! :) WOOT!

We went in for an ultrasound last Wednesday morning and found out we're having a baby with 2 legs and 2 arms weighing around 1lb and counting and most definitely a girl! The ultrasound tech was way nice and the whole thing went very quickly and smoothly. The baby cooperated to a degree but as has been the case since the beginning, wouldn't hold still for a minute.

I learned that what I thought were tiny kicks to my bladder whenever it's full is most likely a head butt as baby is laying head toward my right ovary and feet toward my left ribs. Of course, as I type this, she's probably shifted positions. :)

We go back to the doctor on the 4th of December and will get the big run-down about all the different measurements, etc that the tech took and the radiologist looked at. Hopefully all is well!

I'm most definitely visibly preggo now. I need to take a few pictures of me and post them here - soon, I promise - and I'll definitely be putting a picture or two if little Miss Falvo at the end of this post.

On an equally awesome note - we were going to go with a baby co-sleeper attached to my side of the bed but we just don't have the $$ to get something only to get rid of it once the baby's 30+ lbs and have to buy something new. Instead, we've found three different cribs at Ikea that we like that with mattress included are roughly the price of a co-sleeper. The crib can be kept in our room (we have nowhere else for it) less than 1 foot away from my side of the bed so baby and I can be close while at the same time investing in something that we can use a lot longer. PLUS - the crib will be right under a totally blank wall and I can do baby decorations! I was feeling a bit down that I wasn't going to be able to do a full nursery because of space and $$ so I'm completely stoked that I'll have this one little space to make a cute area for baby. :)

We can't wait to meet our little girl! The ultrasound doesn't show much but we already know she's both adorable and a handful!

Alert: Adulthood!

I am an adult. This fact is something I usually just acknowledge and work with. I own a car. I pay bills. I have a steady job (that will end on Friday but that's neither here nor there). I have an IRA. I am married. I have three animals that depend on me. All of these are facts that don't really seem that huge to me possibly because these are daily items in my life. They don't give me pause or send shivers down my spine. They are just aspects of my life, some I love (hi Craig, Chestnut, Pecan, and Brigid) and some I don't (bleh bills).

I only have these shivers of adulthood once in a while and when they come I experience moments that I can only describe as not unlike those scenes in movies where someone is standing in the foreground and then the scene behind them, usually a hallway or a room, lengthens and stretches in such a way to give you a sense of shrinking movement. I feel a sense of my universe expanding with these moments - shifting and changing the bonds around me.

This evening, sometime after dinner, my universe expanded when I had the slowly dawning realization that Craig and I will be hosting our first Thanksgiving and Christmas with family. Whoa. Major adult moment. We've done the solitary holidays. Our first Thanksgiving and Christmas as Falvos were sans family and were totally awesome. They weren't awesome because we didn't have any family. They were awesome because we started a couple new traditions and just got to relax together. We've also had some family holidays. Last Thanksgiving we spent time in Florida with Craig's family for the holiday and a wedding. Last Christmas we visited my family in California. Never have we hosted family for a holiday.

I'm completely excited!! It'll will be weird and terrific and memorable all at once. We're not sure yet if Christmas will be a both-sides event but we know that my family will be up for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Craig's already thinking about the size of the turkey he'll need; I'm already thinking about the size of the Christmas tree I'll need; and my father's already thinking about whether or not we'll be able to pick up the Macy's Parade. :D Teh awesome.

And on a smaller (and yet way bigger) note, if the thought of being the ones hosting the holidays wasn't daunting enough, the growing Bean inside me gives me pause more often than not about how quickly my life is changing. I texted Craig today after I ate lunch because of the amount of swish-y movement I felt in my belly. Friends are starting to notice the changes. I can no longer wear the pants I like. There's definitely a baby inside me and life will never be the same. How awesome in every definition of the word!

Long Legs Big Belly

Apparently in the maternity world, you can either be fat or tall. I can't be too upset because I recognize that were I not on the larger end of the scale, I probably wouldn't be having this problem but it's still frustrating. I say probably because pants with the right inseam has been a life-long quest for me, through both the lean and the fat years.

Regular pants with inseams at 32" are *justbarely* right so long as, in the words of a friend, they don't even look at a dryer. I prefer a 34" because I can wear wedges or flats and both look okay. Pre-pregnancy it was hard enough to find longer lengths on pants. Lane Bryant has stuff but their store can be frustrating. My problems below:

• First is the cost - ouch! This just leads me to try other stores and gnash my teeth in agony over their lack of pant length (Target, I'm looking at you) or their lack of an actual bricks-and-mortar plus size section, forcing me instead to contemplate the clothes presented in the ephemera of the Internet and wonder what they will fit like because Lord know that people, especially those of the lumpier persuasion, love to buy their clothes without make sure they don't bulge, pull, or slide off first (Old Navy/Gap/etc, I'm looking at you).
• Second - vanity sizing. For the love of pete (Love of Pete? love of Pete?...not sure of the capitalization there), I shop in that store because I'm not as skinny as I once was. I don't need a pant saying I'm a size 4 to make me feel better! I was never a size 4 to begin with. It just makes finding the right jeans/pants a pain in the ass!
• Third is waist level - the lowest of the low waists are still really kind of high. I don't want pants so low that they make people think I'm a plumber as a second job but I would like to be able to wear pants that don't come up to my armpits. Okay, I'm exaggerating a little but I would like something a tad lower than above/at the belly button. I'm fairly certain I'm not the shortest-torsoed person to shop there so I'm curious as to how others handle it. Although, on second though, I also don't have the booty that I see sometimes there so maybe that lowers the waistband for you? Hmm...
• Fourth is length - ironically, their "longs" are often WAY too long. I'm not too upset about third because I have seen some really, REALLY tall women in that store and if I have a hard time at 5'9"/5'10" on a good day finding pants, I can't imagine how women well over 6' do it. Cost at LB is what mostly keeps me away, though since they started vanity sizing stuff I find the trips so ridiculously irritating for common sense and for practicality that I've stopped going.

This long rant about LB is a bit off-topic but it's all tied in to my Sisyphus-esque struggle toward the perfect pair of pants. I'm sure I could have picked a better tragic reference but it's early and I haven't had substantial caffeine since June. :)

Anyway, what this all leads into is that prior to my swelling belly and my Bean, if I wanted to spend the big bucks and the time sorting through a rather confusing chart of sizing, I could find a pair of jeans/pants long enough to suit me. I might even get lucky, as I did once, with a pair of $10 pants from Wal-Mart of all places, that for the most part are teh awesome. However, that ability has apparently disappeared only slightly more quickly than I fear my feet will.

I bought my first maternity clothes yesterday. It was both nifty and terrifying. It has been very hard for me to justify spending money, any kind of money, on clothing I know with absolute certainty I won't be wearing next fall and I hopefully won't be wearing ever again. (I've already informed Craig that once the baby comes, I'll be taking full advantage of this new-fangled metabolism I seem to have and will be dropping this weight. I have two weddings next fall and while I doubt I'll be "smokin'", I'm sure I'll be able to muster up a jaw drop or two. I also informed him that should we be blessed with any more kids, I want to be able to shop in the normal, and thus bigger, sections. He laughed and said he was with me all the way.) So with the cost vs. the relative term of use in mind, I didn't really want to spend a fortune.

I had looked at JC Penney's store and online in hopes of finding some good pants. The benefit of current trends is that there are a lot of loose tops with folds and pleating that mean I can wear most of my sweaters, shirts, and dresses until fairly late in the game. It's the pants that are the problem. I haven't completely popped yet but even with my Bella band, my jeans and work pants are becoming uncomfortable. I needed something for work and play. JC Penney has a great collection of stuff online but in stores, not so much. Additionally, online you can pick from an array of body types but never do "plus size" and "tall" meet. Le sigh. I found a couple cute things but was really, REALLY leery of buying pants online without having tried them on. I then went to Motherhood's online store and found some cute stuff, again leery of buying online.

So for a week I hemmed and hawed and decided to just screw it and not get anything. That stuck for a whole five days. Yesterday, I was out running some errands out at the infamously trafficky Harbison mall and it dawned on me that Motherhood's actual store might have something. I had been in once to look for a dress but as the store itself was kind of small and the Plus size section was maybe two racks of stuff, I had had no luck and thus had written it off. I figured I'd go give them another shot.

The store was still tiny, and the selection for me still small but they did have pants and THANK GOODNESS I tried them on. I assumed I was bigger than I was and all that pants were falling off. hehe I found a pair of black twill pants and a pair of jeans. Both are *justbarelyok* length-wise but it's really the best that I can do. The girl in the store said they had longs in the regulars and the biggest regulars were stretch so that might work but really, who wants to see that? I don't. :) I don't plan on buying loads of preggo clothes and the next go-round I won't have this problem so I'm not too worried about it in the long run but man is it frustrating in the short-run!

I am now the proud owner of two pairs of maternity pants. Weird and pretty cool. It means my body's doing what it is supposed to which means the Bean is doing what it is supposed to. I had a spring in my step leaving the store with a bag that announced to every nosey person in the mall who reads other people's bags, "Nope, I am NOT chowing down on donuts at an alarming rate. No, that's not a beer gut. I'm pregnant!"

Tiny Heartbeats!

This is a belated post for which I plead hardship and laziness! I didn't have internet at home at the time and I can't get to blogger at work!

I went in for my third doctor's appointment on October 1st. I was, as I am at all visits, nervous that even though there have been no signs there is something wrong. At the appointment previously, the doctor couldn't pick up the heartbeat because the Bean kept moving around like crazy. We saw it on the ultrasound and the doctor said she saw a strong heartbeat but we couldn't hear anything. This visit was to listen to the heart and just make sure all was okay. I was worried (because that's what I do) and hoped everything was okay. Luckily everything went perfectly!

My blood pressure was lower than last time and spot on perfect! I gained a whole 1lb which is exactly what the doctor told me I should gain in a month. So weight-wise I'm now back at my pre-prego weight. I gained gained 3 right away, lost 4 during the remainder of the 1st trimester, and this 1 lb gain means I'm back. Yay! (This may seem obsessive to some but being overweight, I'm watching this closely to make sure I'm a safe place for the Bean to grow!)

And...the best news of all...I heard the heartbeat! It was a strong, steady 156 bpm. :) So cool! The doctor was really happy with that and said everything felt/looked great! My belly's starting to poke out but it hasn't done the rounded prego thing - I just look like I've been eating junk food a lot. :)

I'm hoping that the new OB (no, I don't have one yet but we're still waiting on our new insurance information) will want to do the big ultrasound that tells us "boy vs girl" sooner rather than later. I'm now 17 weeks so by the time I'm up in the Seattle area and have an appointment I'll be around 20 weeks or later! Can't wait! :)

Ahh...hormones

I wanted to title this "You know you're pregnant when..." but the truth be told, I've been really lucky when it comes to pregnancy symptoms. I haven't had morning sickness, food aversions, serious food cravings, really sensitive pregnancy nose (I do have that a little), sleep issues (yet), internal issues/gas, horrible soreness...the list goes on and on. Like I said, I've been lucky. However, this last week I've been awash in hormones - weepy, sad hormones. It started around Saturday/Sunday with some general crabbiness and loneliness.

Craig's been gone since September 19th. I've been living at my friend Rebekah's place since September 20th. (Yay Rebekah!) Mostly, it's been fine. I've been busy and occupied so it hasn't felt really weird. Rebekah's dog Macy and our Brigid have been keeping me more than busy. However, I have increasingly felt out of place. My books, my clothes, my cats, my husband - all 3000 miles away. I've noticed it more and more as things I have always done in Columbia begin to come to an end. Craig and I said goodbye together to the church we attended. Places I'd go with Craig - movies, shopping, restaurants - I don't really go now because of cost/time/effort. I'm experiencing a slow goodbye with Columbia and it's weirder than I expected it to be. It's this goodbye that's getting to me. It makes me feel fairly solitary even when I'm with other people. They talk of their plans in a few week's or a month's time and I don't really have plans because I'm in stasis here before moving on.

This experience has been weird but it wasn't sucky until this last week. I spent Monday night in tears on the phone with Craig. I was sad and lonely and hormonal. I was also a little unsettled from having gotten a flu shot. I've never had one before and it was unsettling in a way that I can't explain. Nothing had happened. It was just bleh. Tuesday night was the worst as several things happened/coincided to make me feel completely unimportant and disposable. Wednesay and Thursday I was feeling better but by Friday the feelings of earlier in the week - loneliness, a sense of being apart, general crappiness - all came back with a rush. I said goodbye to my supervisors (she's at a conference next week which is my last week) and that was really sad. I've had a lot of supervisors through the years and she's one of my favorites. I cried on and off all the way home and then spent a good portion of an hour crying before watching some tv. I finally gave up and went to bed before 9pm. Today I watched the Office wedding on the internet and I cried because it made me miss Craig. lol I'm a basketcase!

I know that a good portion of all of these tears and issues are pregnancy hormones. I've had to say goodbye and leave a lot of places so this isn't new. I'm also really excited to get to a new place and start planting some roots. My brother flies in in a week and my parents will be up for Thanksgiving so family time is just around the corner. (On a side note, it's been almost 5 years since I've had Thanksgiving with my family so I'm STOKED!) The baby's heartbeat was strong at the last visit, my weight's on track, my blood pressure rocks, and I *think* I'm feeling some beginning flutters so the Bean's doing well. Life is essentially great and yet I'm a big knot of woe lately. Go hormones!

I feel bad for Craig because he's dealing with a teary, pregnant wife over the phone. Phones are not our communication medium of choice and I think it's wigging him out a little. I've devoted today to nurturing me. I got some decaf iced coffee this morning and added my daily glass of milk to it. I need to clean a bit, apply for some jobs, and maybe even give myself a pedicure. I think a day of calm like that will help me feel a bit more normal/grounded. After all, I want to enjoy my last few days here and say goodbye to my friends without being crazy! :)

Babies!

I meant to blog this a week ago but as my earlier post indicates, things are a bit crazy now. I'm a little over 13 weeks pregnant! Just when things couldn't get any more insane - right?

I found out on July 9th at like 6 in the morning. I was just 4 weeks along. I woke Craig up with the news and he got a little choked up. It was too cute! We told my immediate family and his the next day as we were driving up to visit his family for his grandfather's 91st birthday that weekend. We also told his grandfather, aunt from Maryland, and family from Chicago. We knew we wouldn't see them in person again so we felt it was worth it. I also told a couple close friends because I had to talk to someone about it! :)

We kept mum through much of August though I did tell my boss a few weeks later. On September 3rd (Week 12), we went into the doctor and saw an informal ultrasound. The OB said she could see a strong heartbeat and that was a good sign. The Bean tried to get away from the sensor and was pretty active. It was amazing! It was so active, in fact, that she couldn't get it pinned down to get a heartbeat. She's fairly confident that she can pick up a heartbeat at the next visit on Oct 1 (16 weeks). Sadly, Craig will be in Washington by then but at least he won't be missing the big ultrasound for gender or anything. He's pretty upset about it but he won't miss anything after that and I know he'll feel better once I'm out with him and he can feel the baby move and all that good stuff. :)

Big changes for the Falvo family!