Holy Updates Batman!

In an attempt to try and change my perspective, I'm changing my blog.

When I started this blog, the hubbs and I were in a rather nebulous land of seminary call process/job hunting/random life things.  The Vonnegut quote "Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment.  There is no why," inspired the domain name and the title and spoke to me very deeply about our lives.  It wasn't about blame or frustration or anything - it just was and we were there to experience and perhaps not to understand.

Time flies when you're having fun and I've been blogging here for almost 2 years.  We've aged, moved, reproduced, and (aside from all that) changed an awful lot.  :-p  The last couple months have been very rough around our household because of some job stress.  I've been trying to think up ways to shake us out of our "Wow things really suck.  They were better when..." thinking because it's really just all rose-colored glasses and not productive.  I wanted a new way of thinking.  We're not just victims of circumstance.  There are reasons we're here, reasons we're at this place at this time.  Like Einstein said, God doesn't screw with the universe and there is something greater at work than a bunch of people promising a job they haven't really been able to support or fund and now thinking maybe they'll just be done with it all never mind we moved thousands of miles with the promise of a job and support that's really just been all rainbows, glitter, and fancy words. (Can you tell I'm really steamed/scared about this?)  That can't be the only reason we're here.  There is a plan.

So anyway, shitty job situation aside, we were also rebounding from illness and injury and feeling more than a little out of sorts.  I decided to start changing the way I think and react.  I can't control a bunch of people with their heads up their ass but I can control myself.  I made a promise on Sunday to be more proactive.  I've been to the gym.  I've tried hard to clean up right after I do something instead of trying to get back to it later.  Yeah, we still have a PILE of clothes in the cradle instead of put where they ought to be, but the dish pile is pretty much non-existent.  I've been reading more, praying more, eating better - all the good stuff - all in an effort to be a better me.

Today I signed onto my blogger account, knowing full well that I've failed mightily in the NaBloPoMo for the month but what evs.  The first thing I noticed was that the tone of the blog didn't match the new me.  I didn't want to be the person just waiting for whatever was going to happen.  I'm done just watching the days melt by without any big steps.

It's time for change.  Life is not about waiting for the world to happen to you and it is not about tearing through hitting all the key marks without understanding.  Life is about experience.  If I sit idily by, soon I'll be up to my elbows in lunchmeat sandwiches and tween drama wondering what happened to my baby girl and all the things I wanted to do.  It's time for me to be a more deliberate person.

To that effect, I've changed the domain name, the title, and the quote.  I'm teaching myself how to appreciate life so that I can both appreciate my family more and pass these lessons on to my daughter.  I've promised myself that 2011 is going to be a good year and this is one step on the path to fulfilling that promise.

Goodbye 2010!

2010 has been quite a ride! In it's final hours, I find myself left with a mixed bag of inexpressible joy and new and deep worry over our family's financial future.

This past year I learned:

• what am amazingly wild, wonderful, awful, selfish, and selfless ride motherhood is going to be and that I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
• how to keep smiling when you're not sure how you're going to feed your family in two months.
• that while I miss being surrounded by old buildings, historical research, and other crazies who love it like I do as my job, I really enjoy the job I have now.
• our families are too far away but we love where we live and they love where they live so we'll just have to make it work.
• my little family makes me more happy than I EVER would have expected - even when it's just the three of us heading out to wander through IKEA on a Saturday afternoon.
• that in just over one year I can make at least one friend in a new place who feels like I've always known them and who makes my life so much more fun.
• Craig and I can get through anything - even some really crappy, scary, emotionally taxing job things coming up in the next month.
• praying does make me feel infinitely better - even when it's God that I'm mad at.

It's been quite the year of life lessons and I'm sure 2011 will be the same. The last few weeks have been incredibly rough because Craig's learned some scary financial things about his work and we're not sure how things are going to pan out. It's been disheartening to watch everyone at the church let this happen and/or not even know about it. I've been trying very hard to enter the new year on a positive note and I've made it. I feel blessed with my family, positive about my job experience, and determined to make the most of the coming year. Ella's developing in leaps and bounds and we have the whole year ahead of us for family time, local trips, and building friendships. 2010 was a rollercoaster trip - thrilling and terrifying -- always a bit out of control. 2011 is our time to focus on us, pay off some debt, get job things figured out and just keep moving along.

Best wishes from our family to yours this New Year's Eve!

Catch ya next year! :)